Part 1: Let's Have an Introduction.
Arthur Pendragon is many things. He is a graduate of Camelot University's top-rated education program. He is a staple on The Telegraph's list of London's 50 Most Eligible Bachelors thanks to his being the heir to half of the Pendragon and Gorlois banking dynasty. He is a habitual liar when it comes to talking about his feelings. He played football in his youth and still thinks he could have played for England had his father not put his foot down and forced him to go into the family business. He is a snappy dresser (see above list of Eligible Bachelors mention).
He is also a colossal idiot. Luckily for Arthur all (well, most) of his idiocy is under one umbrella. This particular umbrella has prominent ears, a habit of being late, a penchant for shabby scarves, and happens to be named Merlin Emrys.
Arthur can even pinpoint when it all started going downhill for him, though it takes a lot of back story to get to that particular moment. It wasn't when he first realised he was gay because he'd been twelve when he came to the conclusion that he'd fancied Becks more than Posh and that maybe dating Helen Cooper wasn't worth all the hassle. He'd come out to his family then and had received a big hug from his half-sister Morgana and tight lipped approval from his father. He went on to tell a few of his closest friends like Leon, but for the most part carried on business as usual. If he went out on fewer dates than some of his friends and begged out of being set, up no one really commented as long as he held regular parties at his house when Uther was out of town on business. When he brought a boy from his LGTBQ youth group to prom people definitely commented but he largely ignored them since he was graduating the next day and would never have to talk to the tossers again anyway.
Since his life isn't like the plot of a romcom, it wasn't the moment Arthur first met Merlin. In fact, Arthur barely remembers their first meeting. It was definitely at a Freshers Week party and he was definitely there with his then-roommate Leon and Morgana. It had been crowded and hot and alcohol had been largely to blame for what happened but Arthur had a hazy memory of ordering one of the boys from F-wing to carry a dart board around to 'make the game more interesting'. Arthur had been having a fabulous time when a skinny rude boy with a bowl cut and unfortunately large ears had stomped over and demanded he stop, nattering on something about booze and safety. Arthur's last memory of the night was thinking, to his great embarrassment, 'those are the bluest eyes I've ever seen' before vomiting an impressive array of colours all over the boy's shoes.
The next day Arthur ran into the still-nameless Merlin in the hall when their RA roused them all bright and early to participate in more team building games, read: torture exercises. Arthur had stumbled out of his room in the same clothes from the night before which he thought gave him a sort of nonchalantly ruffled look. The only addition was a pair of aviators because it is a known fact that everyone looks cooler in aviators. Despite the repetition of his outfit, Arthur still thought he was better dressed than the rest of the peasants milling around him heading out to the quad. He was complaining about this to Leon, loudly of course because Arthur was entitled to speak his superior opinion on these things, when he caught sight of someone a few bodies ahead of them wearing socks and a pair of Birkenstocks. And really, how could he leave that alone? He made a particularly pointed comment regarding whether the university had lowered its standards so much that they were admitting shabby walk-ins from the street who couldn't even afford a pair of shoes when the sandals stopped walking and turned around. Arthur raised his eyes, inadvertently doing a full body scan of the sandal owner, and found himself looking into the same blue eyes from the night before.
"And whose fault is it I don't have shoes today?" the boy had asked furiously. Arthur's severely hung over brain had still been stuck on trying to process the boy's eye colour, because really eyes that blue shouldn't be allowed and in what universe was this fair, that he didn't respond to the question. A similarly shabby boy standing beside the blue-eyed one started forward but was held back by a third, stockier one. Blue eyes scoffed and yelled, "spoiler alert, it's yours!" before turning his friend back around and marching off down the hall.
Arthur had stood there blinking dumbly after them for a few seconds before turning to Leon and proclaiming, "how is it my fault that he only owns one pair of shoes?" and resolving not to pay any more attention to the rude, poor, slightly gorgeous boy.
That plan lasted all of fifteen minutes when he found himself paired with blue eyes in one of the ridiculous ice-breaker exercises. Evidently their RA had been listening to their little bout in the hall and had decided that pairing them up for the week would be the best course of action. Apparently the genius behind this think-tank monstrosity was that you were going to get to know your roommate really well over the course of the next eight months but some of the other people on your floor might get left behind in the friend-making process; ergo, be glued to someone else's side for all of Freshers Week and have at least two friends when you start your classes. Arthur had tried to argue the fact that he already had two friends at Camelot. His RA rebutted that Morgana didn't count since she a) lived on a different floor and b) was family. Blue eyes laughed at how sad Arthur was for trying to pass off his sister as one of his mandatory two friends before trying to point out the fact that he also had two friends already. Their RA, who had also been out late partying, had lost patience and tied their ankles together with the rope originally intended for the tug-o-war.
Both boys had protested that none of the other duos were physically tied together and their RA had kindly asked them if they'd like their hands tied together as well before they got the message and shut up. The rules of the game were simple: each pair was to spend all their free time together. Time spent in the loo and sleeping were of course allowed to be solo but every other minute was to be spent with your 'buddy'. Arthur learned many things that day but two still stand out in his memories. The first was that their RA was apparently a lit major with a poor sense of humour who laughed himself silly making jokes about 'the tie that binds' before dismissing them for the morning as tug-o-war was now off the table. The second was that blue eyes had a name which was revealed by the scruffy looking friend shouting 'Merlin' at them and blue eyes responding by attempting to get to his feet, getting tripped up by the rope and ending up back on the ground beside Arthur.
Arthur had laughed rather harder than he should have at that. Blue eyes turned and scowled at him.
"Is your name actually Merlin?"
"What of it?"
"Nothing." He smirked. "Pleased to meet you, I'm Arthur."
"What, King of the Britons?"
Arthur's smile had grown to slightly maniacal levels. "Nope, but I am a Pendragon."
"Look just because I've got a stupid name doesn't mean you have to take the piss."
"No really. My name is Arthur. Arthur Pendragon."
Merlin had stared at him, disbelieving.
"Well someone in housing has a terrible sense of humour. My roommate's name is Lancelot," he replied deadpan.
There was nothing either of them could do at that point but laugh. Arthur had a fleeting moment of hope that the awful start he and blue ey-Merlin, had gotten off to could just become a funny anecdote they looked back on in later years; the kind you told during toasts about the couple at weddings, and wow that escalated rather quickly. His wedding plans were sadly put on hold when Merlin's shabby friends and their 'buddies' finally made it across the lawn to where they were still sitting in a heap.
One of them, the cross-looking one, grabbed Merlin and hauled him to his feet. Another one offered a hand to Arthur.
"I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you're Lancelot?"
Lance had smiled at him. "It's just Lance actually, but yeah." Leon had joined their group by then and introductions proceeded quickly. Arthur learned that the cross shabby friend was Will and that his roommate was Gwaine, who was currently occupied across the quad, hitting on Morgana and coven. The other two, Percy and Elyan, were paired with Lance and Will respectively. The group was getting off to a smashing good start until timetables were pulled out and they tried to decide how to spend the morning. Arthur has long since forgotten the details of the disagreement but it boiled down to each of the 'buddies' picking an activity and going their own way rather than try to do something as a group. With Lance and Percy heading for the gym, Will and Elyan to the student center, and Gwaine and Leon to the bookstore, Merlin and Arthur were left on the green fighting which, Arthur realised sadly, was becoming their go-to means of communication.
Merlin refused to go to the gym because their bound legs made it impossible to do any kind of cardio and he refused to lift weights. Arthur vetoed the library by whining that school hadn't properly started yet. They couldn't even decide on a spot to eat because Merlin only had meals paid for by his scholarship at the grottiest caf on campus and Arthur flat out rejected eating anywhere that had 'gruel' as an actual item on the menu. Which is how they ended up at The Wilddeoren's Den getting pissed on a Tuesday morning.
Over the course of the day Arthur learned that Merlin was the first in his family on his mum's side to go to university and was extremely nervous about letting them down, was studying history and biology, was raised by his wildly independent mother and his pharmacist uncle, and had a particular fondness for Gordon's gin. He also learned that Merlin's eyes crinkled in the corners when he smiled, that he laughed with a reckless abandon that Arthur envied, and that he was unfortunately and devastatingly straight. Arthur remembers thinking that it didn't matter if Merlin was straight, it was only a bit of a crush so what harm could come from indulging it? Arthur wants to go back in time and punch his seventeen year old self in the teeth.
Several drinks and six appetisers later the rest of the gang, as much as a random group of mostly strangers could be called a 'gang', arrived after receiving increasingly drunker texts from Merlin and Arthur. At some point during the day and the lord only knows why, Arthur had texted Morgana and invited her circle along as well. All in all they numbered sixteen and had to move from the bar to one of the larger tables. They were lucky to have chosen The Wilddeoren for the initial meeting, as that particular bar was never very busy and conversations could be heard easily down the entire length of the table. Hands were shaken and introductions were made until everyone could remember the names of at least two other people at the table. Morgana had brought her roommate Gwen and their 'buddies' Freya and Elena. The two of them had invited their roommates and their subsequent 'buddies' Morgause, Sophia, Vivian, and Mithian and yeah, someone in housing definitely had a cruel sense of humour.
"I heard there's four blokes in B house named Paul, John, George, and Ringo that have all been put in the same room," said Gwen seriously.
"Because that won't end poorly," commented Mithian and suddenly all of them were laughing like they'd been friends for years. Maybe it was the steady flow of alcohol provided by Morgana and, grudgingly, Arthur, or the nervous energy that all first year students away from home share, but several drinks in and they were all spilling their stories. Morgana told the complicated past of the parents she and Arthur shared (much to Arthur's horror). Gwaine shared a little of his father's prison record but somehow managed to keep them all laughing while doing it. Elena gave them a virtual tour of her stables and invited them all out to her family's estate for winter break. Arthur had always been a fairly private person, but not wanting to be left out of story time bucked himself up with a bit of liquid courage and made his big gay reveal. Several jaws dropped and Sophia looked a little disappointed but he mostly received smiles, a couple of nods, and a wink from Mithian. The group turned their attention to Percy who began telling them about his family's fishing business when Arthur felt an overwhelming feeling of warmth and rightness to the whole situation.
It wasn't like he hadn't felt loved as a child. His father may have been constipated when it came to talking about feelings but he let Arthur know he was proud of him often enough, and Morgana had all but smothered him with equal parts love and annoyance when they were younger. But sitting at the table with a bunch of loud, tipsy strangers who cared about his wellbeing, and being genuinely interested in theirs in return, made him feel a sense of camaraderie and belonging he'd never experienced before. When they made it all the way around the table Arthur clinked a fork on his glass and stood up, awkwardly dragging Merlin with him.
"Quiet down everyone, His Highness has something to say," Gwaine laughed but he turned his attention to Arthur anyway.
"I don't know about you lot, but this is the most fun I've had in a long time," he started.
"Don't lie Arthur, this is the most fun you've ever had, you stiff," Morgana interrupted.
"Thank you," he drawled overtop the laughter. "Anyway, the point is I think you're all quality people and I'd hate to have something ruin the bond we seem to be forming."
"Easy there," Merlin stage-whispered, "you're starting to sound like-"
"Therefore," Arthur raised his voice, "I propose we draw up a contract and agree to do everything we can to preserve the unity of the group. Try to keep the fighting to a minimum, arrange activity nights, that sort of thing. The first stipulation of course being that there will be no inter-dating between any of us."
"Just because your options are limited in this particular pool doesn't mean there aren't plenty of fish for the rest of us Princess," said Gwaine.
"This isn't about me getting fish Gwaine, I have no problem casting in other pools," and for some reason Merlin's ears turned bright red at that, "this is about the good of the group."
"No, but it's a good idea," said Gwen. "Think about it, if a pair of us started dating and then broke up it would make everything so messy."
"Sides would be chosen, people would be excluded from parties," Elyan continued. "I get it too."
"And it's not like we have to be totally celibate, just find someone outside the group," agreed Freya.
There was some more muttered consensus before Arthur turned his attention back to Gwaine. "Think you can handle keeping this pond platonic?" he raised a questioning eyebrow.
Gwaine rolled his eyes but shrugged. "Whatever you say, Princess. But you should know that the more you try to fight it, the more things will develop on their own. The heart wants what the heart wants." He grabbed a shot from out in front of Percy, raised it in Arthur's direction, and slammed the empty glass down on the table. "Now where do I sign?" There was a collective cheer and a hunt for the least used napkin on the table before Morgana was pulling out a pen and writing up a contract. Arthur was the first to sign, right next to a smear of BBQ sauce. The napkin was passed around until it bore sixteen signatures and Arthur celebrated by ordering another round for their table.
The festivities continued with many pictures taken and many shots consumed until they had drunk a truly heroic amount of alcohol and Arthur decided that they had best start walking home early as drunk plus tied legs equals slow. He did in fact have the equation right, but had arrived at the wrong answer, as drunk plus tied legs definitely equalled disaster, a fact they discovered as Merlin stumbled and knocked over a pack of footballers who were already miffed that the owner of the pub had given away their table to a group of first years. Arthur hauled Merlin out of the pile but not before Merlin tried to awkwardly pat the man he was lying on in apology. This turned out to be the wrong move as the footballer stood up and cracked his knuckles menacingly, an action Arthur had previously thought only existed in films and found quite hilarious. The situation grew a lot less funny when the footballer grabbed the front of Merlin's shirt and spat on his cheek. Arthur's brain was undeniably soaked in alcohol but he liked to think he would have taken the same course of action had he been sober, which was to deck the man, grab Merlin's hand, and run them out of the pub to the tune of 'in out in out in out' so as to co-ordinate their bound appendages.
From that night on their core group of friends was decided, with Merlin and Arthur established as the pillars of the group that had brought them all together. The two of them continued to invade each other's personal space long after the rope was removed, because despite their backgrounds, their personalities, and their almost constant bickering, surviving a pub fight together is one of those experiences you don't walk away from without becoming friends. And going back to said pub the next day and seeing your campus I.D. cards next to each other on the Wall of Shame just ensures the friendship is a long lasting one.
Part 2: Oh Dear, I Bet You All Know What's Coming.
Looking back on them, the uni years went pretty much as well as they could have. There were parties and fights and break-ups but for the most part the group did what they had promised and kept their pond platonic. It wasn't easy of course, because sticking sixteen sexually charged teenagers in a confined space for eight months of the year and asking them not to sleep with each other was equivalent to bathing a cat. Not impossible, but also not an easy task. Arthur was obviously the most vigilant about policing the group; always running interference between group members, fitting himself in between couples that were looking a little too cosy on the couch, and taking great pains to introduce them to suitable matches at parties.
In fact, the hardest part for Arthur was not running interference when Merlin was approached by girls outside their group. Because as much as he hated himself for it, Arthur's feelings for Merlin developed over the four years they were at school together from a minor crush to oh bother, if it's not too much trouble is there any way you could possibly stay in my life forever? He hadn't meant for it to happen of course, because falling for a straight boy was gay stereotype number one that Arthur had been hoping to avoid. In the early months of knowing Merlin he had tried to distract himself from the situation by going on dates with boys he met through Camelot's LGBTQ group, or at parties, or when he was getting his morning coffee - Arthur was very attractive after all. But in the end none of the distractions worked because Merlin was always there and just so Merlin.
Merlin was something all unto himself. He barely had two coins to rub together but he'd spend all of it on his friends if they let him. There were mornings when Arthur had to go to his room and physically drag him out of bed to make it to his morning classes on time, but once he was up he was the hardest worker Arthur had ever seen. He always spoke his mind, even if it meant getting into trouble for it (and sometimes Arthur thought because he knew it would get him into trouble). He was clumsy and obstinate and contrary and had appalling table manners but somehow he still made Arthur want to write sonnets about his stupid ears. Or at least haikus. Haikus might be easier. Because there was just something about Merlin that made him so easy to love. Like the way he believed in Arthur's ideas and constantly encouraged him to take calculated risks in his practic*ms that usually paid off. Or how he had nagged at Arthur about 'following his heart' until Arthur finally broke and transferred out of the business program and into education. And the way he always brought extra cutlery and condiments to the table just in case anyone forgot theirs. And how he would stay up late studying with everyone whenever they needed an extra body there to keep them awake. And then there were his stupid cheekbones and his stupid dimples, and the one on his chin that should have made his face look less perfect in its asymmetry but really just added to the package. In short, Merlin was pretty much what Arthur never knew he wanted in a boyfriend and was completely and utterly gone on him within three months of knowing him.
So Arthur tried his best not to pout too much when Merlin left him to go chat up whatever girl had caught his eye at the pub or at parties. He didn't really succeed on that front because no matter who else was there with him he always kept one eye on Merlin in case he should need rescuing - because Arthur was all about the rescuing. There were a couple of close calls where Merlin accidently struck up with a girl whose fit boyfriend was nearby, but for the most part Arthur didn't have much to do besides sit back and watch the mayhem unfold. And even though it stung every time he heard Merlin's laugh from across the room and knew that someone besides him was responsible for drawing that sound out of him, he still had an okay time of it because Merlin always came back to him eventually. Whether it was after a few minutes of talking or a few weeks of casual dating Merlin always came back and they were Merlin and Arthur again and everything was right in the world.
Of course, nothing ever stays right in the world for long which is how Arthur found his neat little life unwinding and going downhill. Because the wrinkled napkin that hung on his bedroom wall was not a legally binding contract and because the amount of chemistry radiating off of their group was physically visible from space.
Gwen and Lance were the first ones to break it and Arthur blames them for every single solitary thing that came afterwards. To be fair, they waited until after graduation, and if it was going to happen anyways Arthur was secretly glad it was them. Because Gwen and Lance were the textbook definition of star-crossed lovers. Their fathers were both welders which meant they frequently fought for the same contracts, particularly on large scale projects. Even knowing that their children hung around the same crowd together caused Tom and Bill great alarm and both warned their respective children to stay away from the other. This of course only pushed Gwen and Lance closer together. But ignoring the deep-seated welding rivalry that kept them apart, they were also stupidly perfect for each other in really annoying ways.
Like when everyone went to the cinemas, Gwen and Lance always ordered a combo number one – a large co*ke with two straws, a large popcorn for Lance and maltesers for Gwen. They always had matching Halloween costumes which trickled over into having matching LARPing outfits because they were both disgustingly nerdy. Gwen took care of the design and the armour work and Lance did the sewing (because each of them were hopeless at the other) and they routinely won costume prizes at the cons they attended. Nice old ladies came up to them at restaurants and wanted to know how long they’d been together. Tourists asked if they could take pictures with them out on the streets. Some of that might sound like an exaggeration but they really were the most sickeningly sweet non-couple there was. Lance braided her hair for god’s sake. Sometimes with flowers. It was disgusting. Which is why no one was surprised when Gwen crossed the stage after getting her diploma, ran straight up to Lance, and planted one on him amidst cheers and catcalls (and one particularly loud ‘get some’ in a voice which sounded suspiciously like Morgana's). Arthur wasn’t surprised, but he was definitely less than pleased. He had the good grace to wait until the ceremony was finished and they were well into their cups at the after party before he cornered them. He had found Gwen first.
“Hello Guinevere.”
“Hello Arthur. I know what you’re going to say and I want to preface it by asking if that’s really the way you want to start this conversation because you know how much I hate it when you use my full name,” she sing-songed. To the casual observer it sounded like a harmless enough statement but in Gwen-speak that was a dangerous threat, meaning if you continued going down that road she’d grab you by the short and curlies until you begged for mercy. Gwen was tough that way.
“Yes it is, Guinevere,” he continued, ignoring the imminent danger. “I feel this situation warrants the full name given how you’ve betrayed me so.”
Gwen rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
“Remember what you promised me in first year Guinevere? That we would never follow in our namesakes footsteps? And now you’ve gone and done it. You betrayer.”
“Yes well I thought that particular part of the agreement was in effect if we were to get married and I had an affair with Lance which, let’s be real, was never going to be carried out what with your dislike for vagi-” Arthur cut her off by pressing a finger to her lips.
“You dare to speak its name in addition to your heinous betrayal.”
Gwen batted his hand away impatiently. “It’s a vagin* Arthur, not Voldemort. And I take offence at how squeamish you are about them. They are perfectly natural and while they aren’t my particular cup of tea either at least I don’t act like a twelve point nine year old every time they’re mentioned.”
“There are so many things wrong with what you just said that I’m just going to pretend it never happened. But really Guinevere, you know what I’m talking about.”
“Of course I know what you’re actually talking about Arthur.” She sighed and sat down on the nearest couch, patting the space beside her. "But I also thought that with us all graduating this year we’d be granted a little leeway with the agreement."
“It’s hanging on my bedroom wall and I have a picture of it on my phone. There is no mention of leeway, flexibility, exceptions, concessions, allowances, exemptions, or a margin anywhere in the document.”
She smiled wryly at him. “Are you sure you made the right move switching out of business? You’re a natural at it.”
“Guin-ev-ere.”
“Arth-ur.” And Arthur hated his own tactics being used against him so he decided it was time to gain the high ground in the fight.
“Fine. Date Lance all you like, it just means we’ll have to audition two new members to fill your spots.” And maybe the high ground sounded a little petulant but Arthur felt sure he was going to win based on the evidence in his favour and his superior logic skills. After all, the napkin's word was sacred.
Gwen adopted the scowl normally reserved for when Elyan was doing something particularly stupid and rubbed at the crease between her eyebrows. “Arthur, I am here to enjoy myself and to celebrate four years of hard work in the EA program and I am not going to let you ruin my night. So here’s what’s up. Lance makes me happier than I ever thought possible. I’ve been arse over tit* for him since year two and the year he spent in Ghana for his practicum nearly broke me, which you well know since I spent the better part of it on your couch. I was good for four long years and dated ‘outsiders’ while we were in school but I’m tired of playing that game and I would like to collect my reward. There’s no point in me dating anyone else because I found everything I was looking for in Lance. And on the subject of looking, he's not bad on the eyes either. So you can soak all of that information in, have a couple of drinks, and then go home and evaluate whether you value a dirty old napkin we all signed when we were young and stupid and pissed over the happiness of two of your closest friends.” She said it all with a sort of regal calm and though she had phrased it so it looked like Arthur had a choice in the situation he knew the battle was over.
“Guinevere. Gwen. You know I would never actually cut you and Lance out of the group. Besides, if I even tried to do that Morgana would stage an uprising and they'd throw me out instead. Your place is safe, napkin be damned. And I suppose I am happy for you.” He choked out the last words as if they caused him great pain but Gwen saw through his bullsh*t like she always did and wrapped him into a hug.
“And since you’re clearly dying to talk about it, how did you manage to convince our dear globetrotter into settling down?” Arthur asked into her hair. Gwen pulled back and Arthur watched as her eyes lit up and her face came alive as she went into the details of how Merlin had talked her into it and damn it, he couldn’t find it within himself to even be a little miffed at her anymore for breaking the agreement.
He did manage to work up some annoyance over the next few months as he watched the changes that took place in his group. With Gwen and Lance happily paired off, everyone in the group suddenly seemed to have eyes for each other. There was a particularly tense period of a few weeks where Merlin and Freya seemed to be circling each other. Arthur had gotten about five hours sleep a night and gained eight pounds during that time. His GP thought he was developing an anxiety disorder but Arthur knew that it was due to acute Merlinitis and f*ck, he was making up fake diseases with his name now, this really had to stop. So Arthur had forced himself to take a step back and stopped watching Merlin's every move (well, he still watched Merlin's every move but kind of glossed over the interactions he had with Freya).
When he had asked Merlin casually over lunch if he and Freya were seeing each other Merlin had looked at him like he was an idiot and replied 'that would be breaking the contract' as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. When Arthur retaliated with the Gwen and Lance situation Merlin had snorted sandwich up his nose and answered 'yeah but that's the power of true love, Glance was inevitable' and they had spent the rest of lunch making up stupid couple names for the others. Regardless, the dam had sprung its first leak and bets were circulated as to who would be the next ones to take the plunge. It was terrifying because Arthur knew even then how the story was going to play out. He didn’t know the exact order but he would have placed his entire inheritance on the outcome.
Morgana and Leon were next six months down the line and he really, really should have seen that one coming. The thing with Morgana though, was that it was hard to tell the difference between her being flirty and her just being bossy. Once she and Leon got together everything suddenly slotted into place and oh god, this had some very strong implications for his childhood. Like how when the three of them had played together when they were younger, Morgana had always insisted on being the Queen and making Leon her knight, fighting against the evil-overlord King Arthur. Arthur had always kind of assumed that Morgana had made him her knight because she liked the idea of fighting against Arthur, and while he supposed that still played a part, now that her bossy kink was revealed those afternoons spent ordering Leon around took on a whole new meaning.
There were many other clues littered around their adolescence that Arthur had never picked up on. He argued it was because the mere thought of Morgana being horny would make him throw up, and while Leon was an attractive bloke he didn’t really want to think about his sex life either. Morgana argued it was because Arthur was particularly thick when it came to complex human emotions such as love. In the end both were a little right but it did nothing to change the facts of their past. Like how Leon had been the one to pick up Morgana every day from her all-girls school and drive her home, even on the days she was living at Arthur’s. Or how it was Leon that always muscled his way through the crowd for her so that she could get a good view of the stage at concerts. Or that Leon was her date for the annual Pendragon aren’t-we-rich-enjoy-our-house-peons Christmas ball every single year.
Perhaps even more surprising was the fact that Leon just let her boss him around without complaint. The few girls he’d brought round to their flat or out with the group during uni were pleasant enough but mostly unremarkable. None of them had the same mean streak Morgana was capable of if it suited her. Perhaps that’s why none of them stuck around. Either way, Arthur really did not want to know. The only part of their relationship that concerned him was the effect it would have on the group dynamics.
Having one couple in the group was okay because it was Gwen and Lance and they were destined to be together and all that rubbish. Plus Lance had confided in Percy that he had already gone ring shopping and really there was no surprise there. So it was a fairly safe bet that Gwen and Lance were a probably permanent sort of couple. Morgana and Leon were an entirely different ball game.
Morgana was a ball-breaker in every possible way. In third year she and Gwen had been jumped by two men after coming home from the pub and she had executed some choice moves taught by cousin Morgause. Both men ended up in the hospital, one with a broken nose and requiring stitches, the other with a ruptured testicl*. After Arthur had seceded from the family business and Morgana found out she was not only expected to take over both halves of Pendragon and Gorlois, but also expected to hand out thousands of P45s and help cover up the bailout scandal, she promptly resigned her position and started her own microloan company helping small business owners in second and third world countries. This served a threefold purpose: becoming a manager because of her skill rather than her family name, attracting the loyalty of Pendragon and Gorlois employees that she had refused (quite publically) to fire, and breaking both her fathers’ hearts, something she had been quite eager to do since she learned the truth of her birth and how awfully they had both treated her mother before her death in a car accident. Sometimes Arthur thought she acted tough to hide the fact that on the inside she was just as emotionally stunted as him and craved the unconditional love of another. Other times he thought she just enjoyed making people scared of her.
Leon was a much gentler soul. The man was the size of a tree but could easily go unnoticed in a crowd, preferring to let Arthur and Morgana and the other noisy ones attract the attention. He had a sort of quiet calm to him and while he wasn’t afraid to let loose with the group on a night out on the town, he was also the one calling the cabs at the end of the night and making everyone text him to ensure they got home safely. It was these qualities that made him such an excellent primary teacher – always volunteering for break supervision to make sure his students were safe on the playground, starting up an after school homework club to ensure those who needed the extra help got it.
In a way, their getting together made sense because they were both very keen on giving voice to the voiceless and all that altruistic stuff, but Arthur just couldn’t see how they worked out on a day to day basis. They weren’t overly affectionate in public, Leon usually being the one who initiated the contact. Sometimes he held Morgana from behind while they waited in line; more often held her purse while she tried on whatever item had caught her eye. In fact, Arthur hadn’t even known they were together until it was brought up at their weekly Sunday brunch, by Uther no less.
“So how is Lionel doing these days?”
“You know full well his name is Leon, father. Getting it wrong just makes you look dim. And he’s fine, thank you for asking,” Morgana had chided without looking up from the morning paper.
Uther’s cheeks had coloured and he tucked furiously into his crepe, leaving Arthur to blink slowly between the two of them.
“Hang on, why did you ask her how Leon was? He’s my flatmate.”
Uther had looked at him like he was simple. “Yes, but he’s Morgana’s beau. I would think that she would have a more intimate knowledge of his wellbeing.”
“Her WHAT?”
“Thank you for that Uther,” she’d replied with the dangerous note in her voice that meant she was going to drop a bomb any second now. “We haven’t f*cked just yet but I’ll make sure you’re the first person I tell when we do manage to get there. For now I can give you a teaser of what he can do with his tongue if you want.” And there it was.
Arthur’s grimace could probably be seen from space and he looked over to see his father’s face twisted in an identical mask of horror.
“That’s quite alright,” Uther had mumbled after a moment. “I’ll just check on how chef is getting on then shall I?” he asked to no one and left the room.
It took a moment for Arthur’s brain to start working again. “You’re seeing Leon?”
“Yes Arthur, I am.”
“What about the agreement?”
“What about the agreement?”
“We agreed, no inter-dating.”
“Yes, except now Gwen and Lance have broken the agreement, rendering it null and void.”
She still hadn’t looked up from her paper which was far more infuriating than it had any right to be.
“Look here, regardless of the agreement, Leon is my best mate and you’re my sister and I can’t allow this relationship to continue.”
That caught her attention. “You can’t allow this relationship to continue? Oh Arthur, I think it’s sweet that you think you have a say in this but you really, really don’t.”
Feeling brave, Arthur decided to push the point. “Well why else would you have tried to hide it from me if you weren’t afraid of my wrath?”
This turned out to be the wrong decision as Morgana threw back her head and laughed. “Your wrath? Oh my foolish little brother,” and Arthur resented that because he was barely two months younger but she had lorded their age difference over him their entire lives. It took Morgana a few minutes to recover from her laughing fit, but when she had wiped the last tears from her eyes she leaned across the table and looked him in the eyes. “We didn’t want to say anything before we knew it was going anywhere. While your napkin idea is undoubtedly stupid in the light of day and with several less ounces of alcohol in me, your heart was in the right place and we didn’t want to mess up the group until we were sure it was worth the risk. And I suppose Leon is a tiny bit afraid of incurring your wrath. Not for breaking the sacred pledge of the napkin mind you, but for dating your sister, something I’ve come to learn is against the ‘bro code’ or whatever ridiculous thing it is you men think you have to follow that really just enforces the patriarchy.” She leaned back in her chair and popped a grape in her mouth. “You will however have a conversation with him relatively soon about how nice it is that your oldest friend finally worked up the courage to ask the woman of his dreams out and how you will of course make yourself scarce in the apartment on Mondays, Wednesdays, and alternate Saturdays to ensure we won’t be interrupted.”
“Like hell that’s happening.”
“Fine, stick around then. But you should know Leon is a screamer.” Morgana waggled her eyebrows at him and some of his scone came back up into his mouth.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Excellent.”
There hadn't really been much else Arthur could say at that point. True to his word, he did have a conversation with Leon when he got home that night which mostly focused on how little he wanted to know about their relationship, like zero, nadda, but basically giving them his blessing. Not that they needed his blessing because Morgana had raised him to be a feminist and would actually punch him if he was being serious about putting his foot down on who she dated. But Leon seemed to appreciate the sentiment when he pulled Arthur into a hug and jumped around with him for a bit. It was rather like hugging a kangaroo.
Arthur noticed an immediate shift in the group as soon as Morgana and Leon were confirmed as ‘official’. All of a sudden Gwen and Lance and Morgana and Leon seemed to be spending an awful lot of time together apart from the rest of the group. Tuesday’s cheap night movie outings turned into double-dates with a lot of stragglers on. There were fewer boys nights out and more couples nights in.
Arthur wasn’t the only one that noticed. Gwaine was miffed that two of his best wingmen were now out of commission and insisted that Arthur come out with him more to make up for their absence, ‘it’ll be great because as soon as you break their hearts with your hom*osexuality you can swing them down my way!’ The remaining single girls started looking wistfully at the disgusting display of coupleness put on by Glance and Meon, and the single boys were getting increasingly nervous that they’d be expected to act soon. Especially since the headcount was now six single girls to five single boys, Arthur’s preferences taking him out of the running of this particular game, and none of the boys wanted to be the tie-breaker between the last two remaining girls. This fear was quickly replaced with a more imminent problem as Morgana heard Gwaine explaining the situation to Percy in terms of a bargain sale and threatened to castrate him if he ever thought of women as something to ‘pick before the sale is over’ again. The tail end of 2010 was a tense time for the group.
Which is why everyone was shocked when the rules of the game changed on New Year's Eve 2011. The party was in full swing and everyone was more relaxed than they had been in months, most likely due to the copious amounts of alcohol Will and Gwaine kept everyone supplied with. That, compounded with the fact that no one had to work the next day or figure out cab rides home, made for a very sloppy night.
Arthur had started the night mingling between different groups, trying to spot if anyone seemed to be friendlier than usual. After seeing nothing out of the ordinary for the first forty minutes, Arthur gave in and allowed himself to relax. He played a couple rounds of Apples to Apples with Elyan, Vivian, Gwaine, and Morgause, got dragged into a game of twister with Gwen, Leon, and Freya, and tried very hard not to stare at Merlin who had gotten sweaty playing some stupid dance game on the wii. Scratch that, the dance game was not stupid as it caused Merlin to sweat enough to warrant taking his scarf off; a scarfless Merlin was always appreciated.
Needless to say, Arthur was the first out during twister and went to suffer his loss on the sofa with Elena and Mithian who were cuddling sweetly. The clock was due to chime in two minutes and he passed the time by concocting an elaborate plan whereby Merlin would somehow be sandwiched between him and Gwen at midnight and would therefore be forced to kiss Arthur, as Lance was a pacifist but would still be less than pleased with Merlin kissing his girlfriend. His fantasy was interrupted by the real Merlin dropping onto the couch next to him and turning the volume up on the tv because ‘IT’S TIME’ and Merlin got stupidly excited over watching fireworks. Arthur’s brain hadn’t quite finished processing the fact that Merlin was practically sitting in his lap when the assembled crowd started counting down. After the obligatory scream of ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’ kisses were exchanged with varying levels of affection. Percy and Freya’s was a quick peck with a laugh, Gwen and Lance kissed passionately but ended quickly, Morgana and Leon's was accompanied by a low dip. Merlin giggled and turned his head towards Arthur and Arthur’s heartbeat had sped up because his fantasy was about to come to life when Merlin caught sight of something beyond Arthur and his eyebrows shot up into his hairline. Arthur turned to see what he was looking at and nope, he had not seen that one coming.
Elena and Mithian were still beside him on the couch but were no longer cuddling sweetly. If Arthur had to choose an adjective to describe their current action he would have gone with ‘face battle’. What had undoubtedly started off as an innocent New Year's peck had turned into Mithian climbing into Elena’s lap and making little whimpering sounds as she thrust her tongue into Elena’s mouth. For her part, Elena was responding enthusiastically by cupping Mithian’s face and sliding her other hand up Mithian’s shirt. Arthur had never really had cause to question his sexuality before but watching Elena and Mithian doing their best to swallow the others’ tongue was a thing that he would not object to continuing. Beside him Merlin made a distressed noise. Arthur turned and locked glances with him and they had one of their renowned psychic conversations that mainly consisted of:
"Did you know this was going on?"
"NO! Did you?!"
"Obviously not Merlin."
"What are we going to do about it?"
"Why do we have to do anything?"
"We can’t just leave them there, can we?"
"I don’t know, but I don’t really fancy being the one to break it up."
In the end they were saved by Mithian suddenly coming up for air, looking around at the assembled crowd, and declaring that she was going to be sick. Percy, the gentleman that he was, had scooped Mithian up into his arms and raced her down the hall to the bathroom, where she spent the rest of the night throwing up, Merlin and Freya taking turns holding her hair back.
Arthur had been left on the couch with a drunk and weepy Elena. Counselling his female friend through her big gay crisis on New Year's Eve had not been on his list of resolutions, but as Morgana ushered everyone else out of the room and mouthed ‘talk to her’ over her shoulder at him as menacingly as possible without actually speaking words, he found he didn’t really have a choice in the matter.
“So, that was different,” he started.
Elena suddenly registered that Arthur was still there and threw herself on him, crying heavily into his shirt. “Oh Arthur, what am I going to do?”
Arthur patted her hair awkwardly. He really did like Elena; he had always felt that she was very much the lovechild of Merlin and himself, what with the blond hair and rich upbringing but lack of coordination and general state of shabbiness. Besides Gwen, Elena was the girl he felt closest to and normally they got on stupendously. But girls, and in particular crying girls, were not his forte.
“Well you can always beg it off on excessive amounts of alcohol.” This only made her cry harder, and she wiped her nose on his shirt before coming up to face him.
“That’s the problem though, I’ve only had one pint. I’m not drunk I just…wanted that.”
Arthur had done a double take at that. “Are you saying that you have feelings for Mithian?” he asked incredulously.
Elena had given him one of her funny little crooked smiles, the ones that always made her look like she was afraid of being happy. “Yes? I think so? I don’t know, this has never happened to me before.” She collapsed into a fresh wave of tears. Shirt already ruined, Arthur threw an arm around her and let her continue to soak his top before she came up for air again.
“How did you know you were gay?”
Arthur considered it for a moment. “When I realised the posters of sports stars I had hanging on my wall were up there for more than just their athletic prowess.” Elena had laughed at that and it made Arthur feel like he was on more familiar footing with her.
“Ellie, seriously. What’s going on with you?”
She grimaced at him. “I think I might be a little bit in love with Mith. I wasn’t sure until tonight but it’s been building over the last couple months and tonight I just lost my head and now I’ve wrecked everything!”
Mithian had never hidden her sexuality from the group, admitting on their first evening out that she had only ever dated men but had enjoyed some casual encounters with women. Elena however had always dated men. Granted not many, and never for very long, but they were definitely card carrying members of the man club.
“Pretend I’m really stupid and explain the situation to me because I don’t quite follow your logic.”
“That won’t be much of a stretch then, will it?” she snorted and punched him in the arm. Roughhousing was safe and familiar to Arthur so he pulled her into a headlock and mussed up her hair until she bit him. They collapsed back onto the couch laughing and Arthur was pleased to see Elena’s eyes had finally dried. Maybe he could do this whole emotional advice thing after all.
“Look, you remember Roger and David and Mark and all those other blokes I dated at uni? They were nice enough and we had fun together but I never found the kind of all-consuming love that Gwen and Lance display on frighteningly regular basis, even before they got together. We’d be out at the grocery store and Gwen would be trying to reach for something on the top shelf and all of a sudden Lance would whoosh in out of nowhere and pull whatever it was down for her. It could be something as stupid as chicken stock but afterwards they would share this, this look and whenever they did I thought that’s what’s missing. So I always ended it and kept on looking but never did end up finding it with any of the ones I dated so I just sort of stopped. It was lonely, but it was better than getting into relationships I knew from the start were never going to work out.” Arthur had opened his mouth to commiserate because boy did he know that feeling, but he remembered in time that his colossal crush on Merlin was meant to be a secret he skillfully turned it into a nod instead.
Elena pulled a face at him. “Don’t make fun alright? This is serious. Because I had kind of given up on looking when Mith dragged me into shopping with her, Viv and Soph. Those two were nattering on about what was in this season and guessing whether the cute sales clerk was gay or not and I was bored out of my tree because you know how much I hate shopping when Mith turned to me and asked if I minded getting this pair of heels down from the top shelf. So I grabbed them and when I handed her the box and she smiled at me like I was the best person in the world just for handing her a pair of shoes and it hit me all at once like, wow this is it.”
“So you’re saying you fell in love over a pair of shoes? How very girly of you Ellie.”
She rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the gut. “Shut up. I don’t think it was love at that bit but over the next couple months I just started noticing Mith more and how much fun we have together and how when I do something embarrassing like burp in public she’ll let one out just to make me smile and just how great of a person she is in general. I knew it was more than just affection though when I started having dreams about her because wow, a naked Mith with her head between your thighs and her tongue doing what is was doing in those dreams would probably be enough to turn you straight, at least temporarily.”
“First off, I really don’t want to hear about your p*rnographic dreams. Second, as a new member to our tribe, I must correct you by saying jokes about flipping ones’ sexuality willy-nilly is not politically correct,” he said, completely deadpan.
Elena’s eyes had gone comically round, her mouth open in horror. “Oh god really? I wasn’t being serious, you know I’d never do anything to make you uncomfortable on purpose!”
“Ellie, relax. It was a joke.”
“Ugh, curse you Arthur Pendragon. Trying to make jokes and put me at ease while I’m having an identity crisis over here.” She flipped her ponytail down over her face and started playing with it. “Do you think she’ll ever speak to me again?”
“I’m no expert on the rules of lesbian attraction, but I’d say that was a bit more than a drunken New Year's kiss.”
Elena brightened at that. “Really?”
“Really. Look, she’s obviously in no state to talk right now but wait until tomorrow and go over to her place. No hang on, text her tomorrow and ask how she is, but wait until the day after to have your talk. Chances are she’ll be recovering most of tomorrow and even if she isn’t it’ll give her some time to think about what she wants to do. And maybe bring flowers when you do see her.”
“Arthur, that’s a bit brilliant. Your talents are being wasted on your non-existent boyfriend.”
Arthur shrugged but stayed quiet, not divulging that he’d based his plan on how he went about approaching Merlin after a night of drinking. They’d stayed on the couch talking for a bit, mostly about the ins and outs of LQBTQ culture and how gay relationships were very much like non-gay relationships. Various other members of the group trickled back in slowly once they saw the situation was under control and the party carried on, if slightly more low-key than before. The only ones who didn’t come back were Merlin and Mithian. Merlin, deciding that Mithian was in no state to face the rest of the party, had taken her back to his and Will’s where she could recover in quiet and not have to face the embarrassing gaze of the rest of the group. As much as it warmed his heart that Merlin was the one to volunteer to take care of Mithian for the rest of the night, he couldn’t help but be a little disappointed. He had been hoping that Merlin would come back in and sit on the couch with him again, and he could casually suggest that he hadn’t been kissed at midnight and maybe Merlin could render his services, but he supposed that the group had witnessed enough unexpected kisses for one night.
The next day Elena followed his advice and texted Mithian to enquire after her health while they were all enjoying a late breakfast. Elena had tried to stick to step two of the plan and suggested they grab coffee the next day but Mithian had sent her five rapid-fire messages demanding Elena come over immediately. Arthur hugged her for luck and she texted him for the entire tube ride, but the messages stopped abruptly about fifteen minutes after she’d left. When Merlin came in the door another twenty later he filled them in on the missing pieces.
Apparently Mithian hadn’t been all that drunk last night either, but once her brain caught up with her hormones and she thought she’d jumped Elena, she panicked and her acid reflux had spiked. She and Merlin had been up all night talking through how she was going to apologise to Elena because even though she fancied her it was wrong to do what she did without permission (Merlin had apparently been leaning on the side that Elena really had been enjoying herself but Mithian was convinced that he was just being nice). When Elena had arrived, all of Mithian’s careful planning had gone out the window because Merlin said they stood in the doorway grinning at each other before Elena grabbed Mithian’s face in both hands and they picked up where they’d left off the night before. Merlin had suggested that maybe they go to one of their flats which resulted in Mithian pushing him out the door and suggesting he knock before he came back in.
“Wait, there are lesbians at my flat probably having sex this very moment and I’m not there to see it?” Will cried indignantly.
“Yup, possible even in your bed, although mine is closer to the door,” said Merlin without missing a beat as he slid in beside Arthur at the breakfast bar. “Urgh, I’ll have to change my sheets tonight.”
“Mate, ‘urgh’ is not the appropriate response to finding out hot girls are having sex in your bed,” Will replied shaking his head.
Morgana rolled her eyes at him. “It’s not as if you’d get to see it if you were there right now. I don’t think they’d be inviting you to watch.”
“Having sex in my house gives me automatic viewing privileges,” Will muttered darkly.
“Remind me to lock my door next time I bring someone over,” Merlin stage whispered to Arthur.
“Ick, I’m not interested in you Emrys.” The conversation had dissolved after that into everyone’s speculations as to whether Elena and Mithian were actually going to become an actual couple or whether they just liked shagging each other. In the end it was Arthur, Merlin, Gwen, Lance, and Percy betting on coupledom versus everyone else betting on f*ck buddies. Merlin was the one who got the celebratory text a few hours later and announced gleefully that they were interested in the other beyond their vagin*s. Groans were heard, money was exchanged, and Arthur realised he had inadvertently helped two more of his closest friends enter into a relationship.
Somehow Elena and Mithian's coupling restored a group calm for no particular reason. Maybe it was because the couples were such a visible presence now, occupying a 40/60 split. Or perhaps it was because Elena and Mithian just made everyone feel so at ease with the transition. Sure they made gooey eyes at each other, but then Elena would whip around and run off with Gwaine's hat or Mithian would challenge Percy to an arm wrestling match and it felt like they were back at uni. Either way Arthur didn't question it too deeply because he was too pleased things were getting 'back to normal'. At least as normal as things could be when you were permanently pining over your best friend. Arthur had long since accepted the fact that his ugh, feelings for Merlin were an integral part of his life. He had resigned himself to the fact that he would never find anyone he loved quite as much as Merlin, and while that was a bit sad it was better than trying to cut him out of his life to make the feelings go away. Because trying to picture not loving Merlin was like trying to picture living life without feet, and while he could in theory you'd have to use crutches or a wheelchair all the time and you'd have to live in a bungalow and Arthur really didn't want to live without feet anyways so it was much better to just go on loving Merlin, no matter how painful it got sometimes.
Arthur had a particularly painful go of it the night Will and Sophia got together and boy did that relationship need a lot of explaining. If Morgana and Leon had blindsided him, Will and Sophia getting together was the equivalent of waking up one morning and discovering you had sprouted gills - not entirely outside the realm of possibility, but not something you would ever expect to happen to you.
Because the thing with Will and Sophia was Arthur had always kind of assumed they hated each other. That first night at The Wilddeoren, after the napkin had already been signed, Will had spilled his drink on Sophia and she had been ready to press charges until Morgause had talked her down off the ledge. Their reconciliation had been frosty, Will apologising for the initial spillage but not impressed at how quickly it had escalated, Sophia apologising for typing in her solicitor's number and lingering with her finger over the talk button, but as far as Arthur could remember they hadn't really spoken since that night. Sure, they had participated in group conversations (and frequently clashed over everything from opinions on films to where they should go for dinner) but they never hung out together in groups smaller than five.
There was one memorable occasion when Elena had cancelled on them and it had ended up being Arthur, Merlin, Will, and Sophia who went to see Blades of Glory. Sophia had attached herself to Arthur, acting for all intents and purposes like they were on a date, and ignored Will and Merlin. Arthur had made 'save me' eyes at Merlin but Merlin had shrugged and gone along with it until it came time to pick seats and Sophia had forced herself between Merlin and Arthur. Merlin had blinked once before bullying Will into trading seats so that he and Arthur could do their usual running commentary. The theatre had been packed and Will had no choice but to take the seat beside Sophia. Arthur had disentangled himself from Sophia's octopus arms and had spent the entire film making cracks with Merlin. Will didn't talk to either of them for a week after which Arthur thought was fair but Sophia ignored them for two, and while she and Arthur weren't the best of friends, Arthur still thought that was maybe a bit overdramatic. Then again, that was Sophia's go-to setting.
Sophia's grandfather was an honest to god baron and British diplomat, which meant Sophia had an even more publicised childhood than Arthur had. Sophia seemed made for it though; she instinctively knew when cameras were about and could pull out her most dazzling smile at the drop of a hat. She partied just as hard as the rest of them but still managed to keep her composure at the end of the night. While there were several pictures of Arthur stumbling out of a pub printed in the lesser gossip rags, captioned 'Pendragon darling an alcoholic?' Sophia was always seen supporting one of her drunk friends with a look of pity. She was never Arthur's favourite of the bunch, mostly because she always grabbed onto him in public when the paps were out, but she got on well enough with the girls and a few of the guys. He also vehemently disliked the way she looked down on Merlin and some of the others for being at Camelot on scholarship, but then again he was a little biased.
Will took his dislike of Sophia far more seriously than Arthur did. Will was also a scholarship student and his father had been killed in the line of duty as a bodyguard to the crown. As a result, Will had deep-seated anger against the crown and all subsequent nobility and held them personally responsible for killing his father. He made his opinions of them well known, becoming an active member of the anti-monarchy club during his time at Camelot.
After one too many frosty encounters with Will in the early days, Arthur had asked Merlin why he was so hostile. It took a little to draw the story out of Merlin, who was fiercely protective over Will, but Arthur kept pressing his honest desire to just know - after all, people usually liked Arthur quite a bit. Eventually Merlin caved and told Arthur a shortened version of events.
After Will's father died, his mother had to pick up another job to work around her shifts at the factory. Will was ten and he had three younger siblings who he was expected to mind when his mum was out. He saw less and less of his mum as she was either at work or spending her time with her younger children. Merlin had noticed a definite change in his best friend's behaviour, and watched as he grew more surly and acted out in school. He wasn't a 'bad kid' by any means, he just refused to do any sort of work and cut class more often than attended. His teachers called home in the early days but stopped when they didn’t get any response. The way Merlin explained it, it didn't sound like his mother mistreated him on purpose, he just sort of fell through the cracks. When Will's mother announced that she was getting married to a man she had met at work, Will went off the deep end. He stopped going to school all together and started hanging around with a local gang. Merlin, doing what any eleven year old would do, told Will's parents what had been going on. Will came round Merlin's the next day with a black eye and screamed at Merlin to never talk to him again. That might have scared lesser eleven year olds away but Merlin was tough for his age, went to his mum, and came clean.
Hunith had been horrified to learn the truth behind why Will wasn't coming over as much anymore. She drove straight over to Will's house and spent nearly six hours there. Merlin had been terrified that Will's parents had been mad at her and called to police, but in the end Hunith returned with a bad-tempered Will and a carload of his belongings. After getting Will settled into the guest room, Hunith had pulled Merlin into her lap and explained that Will was going to be staying with them for a while. Merlin was overjoyed at this, never having any siblings before, and immediately started making up for lost time.
It took Will a few weeks to adjust to living with the Emrys' after living for a year and a half with minimal supervision. Hunith kept him on a strict schedule, making sure he ate proper meals, got to school on time, and finished all his homework. Will was resistant to Hunith's ministrations at first, but eventually he caved and let her mother him as her own. After six months of living with the Emrys', it was almost easy to pretend the last two years hadn't happened. He still had a quick temper and sometimes zoned out when he was meant to be listening, but then Merlin would poke him in the arm and show him whatever book he was reading and Will would snap back to reality and smile. The day his mother came to break the news that the marriage hadn't worked out, Will had told her quite politely that he never wanted to see her again and shut the door in her face. Hunith had driven her home and stayed late talking again, but when she came back she told the boys that Will was welcome to stay as long as he wanted.
After his virtual adoption into the family, Will and Merlin had been inseparable. During the secondary school years Will had relapsed a little into some of his wilder ways, but it was Merlin who kept him on the straight and narrow, ensuring that his grades were high enough to qualify for scholarships. Will proudly gave credit where credit was due, telling anyone who would listen that Merlin was the smartest person he knew and that it was entirely thanks to him that he was at Camelot. All of this made little sense to Arthur as to why Will would dislike him until Merlin pointed out Pendragon and Gorlois' motto 'opibus iuvare opibus' translated literally to 'wealth helping wealth' and the large percentage of clients who had a title to their name. Arthur had tried his best after that to show Will that he wasn't his father but had limited success over the years. It wasn't until his third year when he had switched to the education focus that Will really warmed up to him, and even invited him to hang out alone occasionally. However none of this helped Arthur to solve the puzzle of how Will and Sophia became an item.
Arthur had been there and witnessed the night they had gotten together. Sophia had invited them to an end of term concert the music programme was putting on. Due to various other commitments, only Arthur, Merlin, Freya, and Will had been able to attend. As Sophia was a music major with an emphasis in classical symphony, they had assumed they would be heading to a concert hall. They were all surprised when they arrived at the specified address to find it was nothing more than a hole in the wall dive pub.
Severely overdressed, Merlin spent most of the time before the concert started chatting and laughing with Freya and making Arthur's heart clench painfully. He thought they had cleared the danger zone that was Frerlin but apparently not, if their respective smiles were anything to go by. Just as Arthur was contemplating whether it would be more painful to keep witnessing their mating game or to carve his heart out with a spoon, the lights dimmed and a woman wearing a tight dress with an elaborately made up face took the stage.
It took Arthur half of the first power ballad to recognise the singer as Sophia. She had evidently cut her hair before the show and adopted quite a different stage persona than the Sophia he knew. She was moving and vocalising in a way that was far more aggressive and predatory than he was used to. Her soft spoken and put on charm was gone, and the way she pushed her band mates around the stage made it clear she was the dominant one and they all knew it.
Arthur turned his gaze from the stage and caught sight of Merlin with his mouth hanging open. Merlin noticed Arthur looking at him and mouthed 'did you know about this?' to him. Arthur shook his head and looked past Merlin. Freya was nodding along with the music, but her coy smile made Arthur think she probably did know what Sophia had been planning. He turned to his other side to see if Will had caught on, but when he took in Will's face he got a much bigger shock than he expected.
Will was looking at the stage with a positively rapt expression. His mouth was slack and his eyes were drooping. He almost looked like he was possessed and no, god damn it that did not bode well. A couple songs in and Merlin seemed to have recovered from the shock of seeing Sophia as a glam-rocker, but Will continued to watch the show with a dopey expression.
The pub wasn't that big and Sophia eventually caught sight of them. When her eyes met Will's she looked surprised for a split-second before her expression shifted into something downright predatory. Arthur watched as Sophia slowly played more to their section of the crowd, often looking directly at Will for entire verses. Arthur sighed and resigned himself to watching yet another mating ritual. The show was good and Sophia had a surprisingly husky singing voice but Arthur enjoyed it a little less than the average crowd goer since he knew exactly what the encore was going to be.
After the show, Sophia flounced off the stage, leaving her band mates to pack up the equipment, and parted the crowd to get to where they were standing. Arthur tried to stall for as long as he could.
"Wow Soph, that was amazing! I didn't know you could sing."
"Thank you Arthur," she said, her eyes focused on Will. "What did you think William?"
Will, who had been doing his best impersonation of a goldfish for the last fifteen minutes of her set, shook his head before responding. "It was alright I guess," he said with a shrug.
Beside him Freya gasped and Merlin pursed his lips, both waiting for the inevitable storm. But Sophia's eyes lit up and before anyone could say anything else she grabbed Will's hand and dragged him out of the pub.
"Well that was…" Freya trailed off.
"Grotesque?" Merlin supplied. Freya smacked him on the arm but Merlin ignored it and continued. "Well it was! You can't tell me your stomach isn't feeling just a little nauseous right now."
"I think you're being very rude about your basically brother. Don't you think Arthur?" Both of them turned to Arthur with matching expressions of 'back me up already'.
Arthur felt very much like he was in the middle of a couples argument and felt the growing need to escape before he brought a third wheel to a bicycle party. "Yeah a little, if you'll excuse me for the night, I don't feel very well." As he walked towards the exit he heard a triumphant 'ha, I told you they were sick-making!' from Merlin and a muffled 'he's sick, go look after him you fool,' from Freya, though it kind of hard to tell if that's what was actually said giving the roaring in his ears. He walked back a couple of blocks and found a bench to sit down on.
The worst part about the whole 'will they won't they dilemma' was that Arthur genuinely did like Freya. They got on well and she was an easy person to love, which is why Arthur felt so much guilt over disliking her for liking Merlin. It was a very teenaged drama that played out in Arthur's head daily, and the nausea he felt was mostly over his own issues and why he couldn't just be happy for Freya and Merlin. He was finally yanked out of his negative headspace not ten minutes later when he was joined on his bench by Merlin who, after seeing Freya safely off in a cab, had followed her apparently real advice to come after him.
Once he had Merlin on his own it was much easier to pretend the whole sort-of-thing with Freya had never happened and he found himself laughing easily at Merlin's jokes about what Will and Sophia were probably doing at that very moment. Merlin became a lot less amused at the situation with the delayed realisation that they were probably back at his doing these things, as he and Will lived much closer to the pub than Sophia.
"That's it, I have to move. There is something about that flat that just makes non-tenants want to have sex there. Mithian and Elena, now Sophia, and I'm pretty sure Gwen and Lance hooked up at the Halloween party because they were gone for an awfully long time and those costumes would not have taken long to get in and out of."
"Merlin."
"I'm serious! I mean come on, who dresses up as Jane and Tarzan without the specific purpose of having sex later. Why else would Lance agree to wear a leopard print mini-skirt?"
"To make Gwen happy and show off his ridiculously fit body?"
"He is ridiculously fit, isn't he," Merlin replied in a dreamy sort of voice. Arthur just stared at him with one eyebrow raised until Merlin cottoned on and coughed.
"Anyways, the point is, that apartment has seen far too much sex in the past two years. I swear to god everyone but me is getting laid there."
"And on that note." Arthur got up from the bench and started walking home. In the end, Merlin finagled his way into kipping on Arthur's couch as he really, really didn't want to hear what kinds of noises were going on at his.
Merlin texted Will the next day asking when it was safe to come home. Will didn't respond until the following afternoon. At the end of the second day, Arthur loaned Merlin a pair of pyjamas and a change of clothes. Out loud it was because Merlin was starting to smell and Arthur was afraid the stench would seep into the couch. In reality Arthur just really wanted to see Merlin in his clothes. They were slightly too big for him around the waist but Arthur got to enjoy the sight of Merlin wearing his old PE uniform and stomp around making increasingly pointed comments about his weight. It was just a little bit adorable.
Arthur insisted on Merlin keeping the clothes when he left, arguing that they were tainted now and could never co-mingle with his own pristine wardrobe again. Merlin called him a prat and left, only to text him an hour later with the clean version of Sophill details.
Apparently Sophia's grandfather had come to visit her that week to talk about her future and drop a bombshell on her; he had decided not to include her in his will as he expected her to be married and settled by the time he died. He had generously decided to keep paying for her schooling until she finished, as it looked good in this day and age to have a degree and training in culture but really, she needed to get a move on and find a husband while she still had her looks. Sophia had reacted poorly to that and had a bit of a quarter-life crisis before pulling herself together, chopping her hair off, and switching to the modern music stream. Obviously none of this pleased her grandfather but Sophia took great pleasure in his unhappiness and continued her rampage. When she saw Will at her show, she saw him in a new light. Will was a slovenly dressed, anti-monarchist scholarship student whose ambition and purpose of being in the computer software program was to stare at animated breasts all day as a (very) graphic designer. Will was everything her grandfather despised embodied in one person. In a word; Will was perfect.
For his part, Will seemed to be completely fine with Sophia using him for her needs. Her new physical appearance and attitude had caught his eye during the show and suddenly all his teenaged wank fantasies starring the members of Vixen came rushing back. As Sophia explained her sudden change of heart to him in between various sexual acts (and ew Merlin too much information) and Will learned he was being used to piss off not only a baron, but the baron of one of the oldest families in Britain, he became quite enthusiastic. Or as Will later described it to Arthur in person, 'dude, so hot'.
As it turned out, Merlin eventually made good on his promise to move when the flat below Arthur and Leon's went up for rent. Unfortunately, he was still plagued by the sounds of sex as Will moved with him and, beyond all odds, continued to see Sophia. Perhaps the most surprising thing about their relationship was that they actually did appear to be dating and not just having loud raucous sex that caused Merlin to sleep on Arthur's couch more often than not.
When Will and Merlin moved in, Sophia actually came and helped, although in much more of a managerial capacity than actually doing any heavy lifting. Will dutifully attended all of her shows and even started acting as a bit of a bodyguard as she gained popularity and started playing larger venues. And wasn't that just ironic; Will following in his father's footsteps, guarding a member of the group he had sworn to dismantle. But irony seemed to be working for them as they continued to snip at each other and then have copious amounts of sex as the rest of the group looked on in disbelief.
After the scandal that was Sophia and Will, Freya and Elyan's coupling seemed perfectly natural. They fell into it slowly with shy smiles and lingering glances which was a nice change given the usual amount of excitement around a coupling. Despite her mild-mannered exterior, Freya was actually quite feisty, and spent most of her free time either volunteering or involved of some form of activism, and was hands down acknowledged as the best person in the group. She wasn't the in your face type of activist Morgana and Morgause tended to be, but rather she had the amazing ability to talk about an issue for hours on end and make you learn all about it while tricking you into thinking you were having a casual conversation. That is until the end when she went home and you were left brimming with anger at the patriarchy or the governing body and went round her flat for more information on the cause where she would be waiting for you with pamphlets and cookies. Freya made the best cookies.
Freya had gone through the psych programme and come out the other side to be an art therapist, specifically for children who had been abused or mistreated. No one besides Merlin and possibly Morgause knew the full extent of her childhood in and out of foster care, but suffice to say it had not been a happy one. Arthur knew she had been moved around a lot due to bullying in her host families and she had lucked out at 15 and finally gotten a decent set of human beings to take her in. Once her home life was stable, Freya had no problems acing her GSCEs and had gotten a full scholarship to Camelot. She was determined to give back to the community now that she was in a position of power and Arthur had to admire her drive. Although he didn't admire the way she was always recruiting Merlin for rallies and to hand out petitions but that was because Arthur was a jealous berk and could admit as much. The plus side of this was that Arthur tended to do a lot of volunteering whenever Merlin was, so at least the global community got something out of it, even if Arthur didn't.
One of the many causes Freya took to protesting was the closure of a local youth centre. In a low income area, the youth centre was one of the only places the kids could go after school where they were guaranteed to stay out of trouble, and even get free tutoring if they needed it. It was a safe haven for families to send their kids to and let them have their own space. When it was announced that it was being closed due to budget constraints, Freya had organised a town hall meeting for members of the community to speak out and share their stories about the youth centre. Elyan, who had never been particularly politically active before, went with her to the meeting, as he had practically grown up in its sister-site across town. When they came back from the meeting and met up with Arthur and Gwen for pizza, Elyan was elated and Gwen had said that that had been the most passionate she had ever seen him. Elyan wasn't a lazy bloke by any means, he just needed direction. He had ended up in the same programme as Gwen just for a lack of anything better to do. So once Freya worked her magic on him and successfully converted him to the cause, he took an active role in planning meetings with the town council, getting signatures on petitions, and when all else failed, organising handcuff lines.
According to Gwen, it was the time they spent shackled to the youth centre gate together that made them realise how much they liked each other, adrenaline understandably running high when facing down a bulldozer. After the city planner called off the crew to review the demolition order with the council, Freya had undone her handcuff, kissed Elyan with all her might, and asked him to go for a victory dinner. She'd then belatedly apologised for keeping Elyan chained to the fence (completely unintentionally) and unlocked his handcuff. Gwen had said Elyan hadn't actually minded being chained up still and that's where Arthur had ended the call. After hanging up he may or may not have done a happy dance which involved several fist pumps, a lot of jogging on the spot, and perhaps some twirls. But he won't confirm or deny that. And if Leon says he has footage of it on his mobile he's lying.
Arthur invited Merlin out for drinks that night with the intent of cheering him up over Freya's defection to the Thomas clan, but Vivian overheard and the whole thing spiralled into Arthur taking the group out for dinner. Arthur reframed the evening as celebrating Freya and Elyan finally getting their acts together, but as he'd had no idea they were even a possibility he'd found himself bluffing his way through the invites with the usual Pendragon charm.
He'd finally managed to get Merlin alone when he dragged him to the bar to fetch drinks for everyone. So far Merlin had been acting like nothing was wrong, the brave soul.
"So. How are you doing Merlin?" he asked gravely.
"Fine? Why do you ask?" Merlin questioned suspiciously.
"With the recent news I mean." Arthur clasped Merlin's shoulder in what he hoped was a platonic display of male camaraderie.
"Good? I'm not quite sure what you're after here Arthur."
"Merlin, it's okay. You can tell me. I know all about your feelings."
Merlin's eyes had grown wide and he paled a little. "What feelings?!"
"For Freya you idiot," Arthur replied, shaking his shoulder.
Merlin stared at him incredulously before doubling over in laugher. "Oh! I though- I thought you meant. Oh god I can't do it," he choked out in between peals of laughter. Arthur found the whole thing less amusing than Merlin did and waited until the worst of the fit had passed before speaking.
"I don't know what's so funny about this Merlin. Here I am, offering you a shoulder to cry on or someone to discuss your feelings with, which you know I try to avoid, and here you are laughing. Is your brain really that scrambled that you can't tell pain from pleasure?"
Merlin continued laughing until he seemed to wear himself out. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he tried to school his face into something serious but just ended up looking constipated. "Arthur, I appreciate you trying to support me emotionally and lord knows there's a statement I never expected to say, but I don't have feelings for Freya, at least not in the way you suspect. Freya is a very dear friend and I love her to bits but I am not, and will never be, romantically interested in her."
"What?" Arthur's mouth fell open but he was too shocked to fully process how ridiculous he looked. "Yes you do! You're always mooning about after her and laughing at her jokes and doing things for her!"
"Yes, that's the general criteria for friendship. Except for the mooning which I do not do."
"You do, I've seen you!" Arthur protested petulantly.
"Been watching me, have you?" asked Merlin with a cheeky eyebrow raise.
And of course Arthur had been watching Merlin like it was his god damn day job, albeit a really creepy one, but he couldn't say any of that without admitting his feelings, so instead he settled for "who would want to watch you Merlin? I don't think bony and slovenly is anyone's type."
Merlin clasped a hand over his heart and staggered backwards. "Oh thank god! You're back to being a prat. I don’t think I could handle any more sympathy from you."
Arthur rolled his eyes in mock annoyance. "You really are alright though?"
"Oh god, did none of that sink in? I'm perfectly fine Arthur," he snapped and that was strange because Merlin never snapped.
"Got a bee in your bonnet?"
"Oh shut up, those idioms make you sound like an eighty year old grandpa," replied Merlin irritably, receiving their tray from the bartender and carrying it back to their table.
The first half of the evening was a fairly quiet affair. Freya and Elyan filled everyone in on the update on the youth centre and a little of how their first date went. They kept their hands clasped together on the table and it was so adorable Arthur thought he might throw up. Judging by the way Merlin was sweating and slowly turning green, Arthur thought he might not be the only one nauseated by their display, but then again he could just be exaggerating Merlin's physical appearance to make himself feel better. When Lance reached across for the basket of rolls and caught sight of Merlin's face he realised that maybe Merlin was green in reality.
"Good god Merlin, are you alright? You look like you're about to be sick."
"Hmm? Oh no, I'm perfectly fine, really, just got a lot on my plate with school at the moment, you know how it goes, care for some bread?" his voice reached an alarmingly high pitch and the rest of the table stopped their conversations and turned to look at him.
"No Merlin really, I think you better step outside for a minute, your face is actually green," said Lance worriedly. Arthur felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Obviously Merlin's symptoms were manifesting because he did have feelings for Freya, and strong ones at that.
"Is it your stomach?"
"You haven't even touched your drink yet."
"The flu maybe?"
More voices added to the mix until Merlin slammed his fist on the table and made them all jump. "NO IT'S- it's fine, I'm fine, really. I just, well I have a bit of an announcement to make and I wasn't going to do it tonight and spoil Freya and Elyan's dinner but it's proving harder than I expected to keep in."
"Oh go on then Merlin, we don't mind," said Freya reassuringly.
"We're really not all that interesting mate," added Elyan.
"Alright then. I've just come to a sort of conclusion about myself. I've been doing a lot of self-discovery and soul-searching for the past couple of months and I think- no. I know now, that I'm really quite spectacularly gay." Arthur choked on his wine.
He was met with wide eyes and silence from everyone so he ploughed ahead. "I've just been watching all of you get paired up in the last year and a half and I was trying to figure out why none of the ladies, no offence, didn't really do anything for me and so I looked back on all the girls I've dated and realised I never really felt anything for them. I think I might have tricked myself into thinking I was in deeper than I was with them. And I've just been thinking about other things and where I see myself in ten years and with whom and it's with, well, just not with a woman so…there," he trailed off lamely.
Everyone sort of gaped at each other and slowly they all turned to look at Arthur because he was their big gay ambassador and expected to say something, because of course all gays come with an innate knowledge of how to help other gays, but then he saw Merlin's sad eyes begging him to understand so he raised his glass in salute and toasted, "welcome to the club." There was a collective sigh and he must have broken the ice well enough because suddenly the table was full of 'congratulations' and 'well dones' and Vivian's ever so tactful 'but we already have one in the group' and then Percy declared they should turn this into a proper party and Gwaine was ordering bottle service and Arthur's bill was suddenly looking like it was going to be a lot higher than anticipated.
Arthur didn't get a chance to talk to Merlin alone again that night but he got a text from him when he was at home brushing his teeth that read "did I do ok?"
Smiling, he let the toothbrush hang out of his mouth and used both thumbs to type back "A+ job mate. I never saw it coming"
"yeah well it's been building for a while now…"
"You did fine. I'll get you all trained up in the ways of the gay and soon you'll be suiting up like the pros [x]"
"oh god. I was hoping to start off a little more low key like this [x]"
"Merlin, that is the basest of gay. Surely you can do better than that. How else do you expect to get to master status? [x]"
"…do their ties really say grayola?"
"Don't mock our culture Merlin"
"this conversation is getting ridiculous I'm going to bed"
"Have gay dreams!"
"aren't all my dreams technically gay now?"
"I meant gay as in fun but yes Mr. literal, you dream in gay now"
"I am so done"
And so that was that. The next morning they went out for their usual Saturday breakfast and argued whether to go to the comic book store or the gym afterwards because god damn it Merlin, you need to do some kind of exercise before your muscles completely atrophy and no reading journal articles don't count. Merlin didn't mention anything about the night before so Arthur never broached the subject. In fact, the only thing that confirmed the whole thing hadn't been an elaborate dream (or possible wank fantasy) was that as they were walking back to Arthur's car and an Olivier Giroud look-a-like passed them, both Arthur and Merlin stopped to check out his arse. They turned and caught each other's eye and then Merlin waggled his eyebrows in a truly lecherous way and Arthur burst out laughing.
"We are going to have so much fun," said Merlin getting into the car. "Not that we don't already have fun, but just think of all the new things we can do together." Arthur slammed the car door a little harder than intended. "You can take me shopping for pride, and I can come to the meet-ups with you, and we can go clubbing together! It'll be grand!"
And there it was, there was the kicker to Merlin's coming out. Because even though some god had seen fit to make Merlin bat for the other team and all those other wonderful euphemisms, he did not love Arthur enough to make Merlin's sudden revelation accompanied by a confession of unbridled love for Arthur. Because now Arthur had to be Merlin's senpai to the world of gay and he really didn't think he could handle watching Merlin dance with other men and date other men and, f*ck, marry another man knowing that he always fell just a little bit short. He would become yet another cliché, having a crush on his seemingly straight friend, only to have said friend turn out to be gay and still not bloody interested. He should really think about selling his story to the BBC because you can't make this sh*t up. Although Hollywood might do it a little more justice.
Because the same gods that smiled on Merlin seemed to smile on the rest of their group too, the remaining singletons seemed to be in a race to pair off before it was too late. Arthur walked in on far too many conversations over the following weeks that seemed to be along the lines of 'well now that they're both out' because yes, that's exactly how it works, and had to pretend he hadn't heard what they had been talking about before he accidently punched the people he really did love. Sometimes. Way down deep.
It was just after walking in on one of those hushed conversations that Vivian and Percy got together. Literally. With Arthur, Gwen, Freya, Gwaine, and Morgause all present. He had just lived through a particularly long week of teaching which featured one of his year fives projectile vomiting during art class, a full on fistfight between two of his year seven girls (ironically named Precious and Harmony), and his Ofsted evaluation, complete with a truly staggering amount of marking to do. Therefore, he was less than pleased to walk through the door and hear the hushed whisper of 'they're both gay, I don't see what's stopping them now,' and snapped.
"You do know that just having two gays in the same social circle doesn't mean they automatically find each other attractive right?" he drawled, causing them all to jump.
"Arthur, that's not what we-" Gwen started.
"Because of course, you realise how incredibly stupid it sounds when you apply the same logic backwards and use it on straight people," he continued.
"Yes well, everyone has rather gone and gotten themselves hooked up so it does hold true for us," replied Vivian.
"Not everyone," Arthur replied coldly, because god damn, Vivian was partly right but also just saying things to get under his skin: Vivian loved getting under Arthur's skin.
"No not everyone but give us time and it will happen." She pulled out her compact and started powdering her face, clearly done with the conversation. Being in a bitter mood, Arthur wasn't about to let that happen.
"Oh so what, one day you're just going to wake up and go 'hmm, I think I'll date Gwaine today' because no offence Viv, but I don't really see the two of you having much chemistry together."
"Don't be ridiculous Arthur," she said closing the compact. "I'd never go for Gwaine, I'm going for Percival." Percy's head shot up and he dropped his knife, his fork standing up mid-steak.
"Wha?" he asked, mouth full of beef.
"Percival, let me lay it out for you. You and I make a very attractive couple. Your size and musculature complement my waifish form and delicate features. You are struggling to make part-time hours at the YMCA. My father is assistant manager for Arsenal and can easily get you in to shadow their physio if I ask him to. I'm launching my first solo line this year and I need someone to accompany me to galas, co*cktail parties, and runway shows, all of which I will provide you with outfits for. You will also be expected to take me to dinners, shows, and footy matches when my father acquires the box for us. Questions?"
Percy's eyebrows had disappeared into his hairline during her speech (and that was an impressive sight) and it took Gwaine slapping him on the back for him to respond, "uh, sure?" The rest of the table looked on as Vivian tapped out something on her mobile, gave Percy a quick peck on the lips, and left the restaurant, leaving 'Percy darling' her bill. Regardless of the fact that he now had a lobster dinner to pay for, Percy looked pleased with himself and eagerly tore back into his steak.
Arthur's phone pinged and he looked down to a text from Vivian that read 'see how easy that is?' and really, that was just about all he could take. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" he bellowed, causing Percy to drop his knife for the second time.
"I'm pretty sure you heard as much as I did mate," he replied with a sh*t-eating grin.
"Oh no, we are going to talk about this big man," Gwaine interjected before Arthur could continue. "Do you really want to date Viv?"
"What's wrong with Viv?"
"Oh nothing that a few years of therapy won't fix." Percy shot him a look that made Arthur flinch a little, even though it wasn't directed at him. Gwaine seemed entirely unconcerned and threw his arm around Percy's shoulders. "Seriously though, she's not the erm, nicest of girls."
"She's harmless enough."
"The first time she met me she thought I was a waitress and tried to place a drink order with me," Gwen cut in.
"Well to be fair you were wearing overalls at the time," replied Percy. It was his turn to flinch under the scowl Gwen gave him. "Look, I know she can be a little demanding but she's cute and she's actually got alright taste in films and she and Soph have a gigantic flat so I really don't see the downside to this." He turned to Arthur as if daring him to continue his earlier tirade.
"Nope, that's it, I'm done. You want to make a fool out of yourself and date that princess? Go for it mate, you have my full support. As a matter a fact, I should head home right now and rip up that stupid napkin right now, because this clearly isn't the type of situation it was meant to avoid," he rambled, picking up his briefcase.
"Arthur wait, I know we've sprung a lot of surprises on you lately but please stay for dinner, I haven't seen you in almost a month," Freya pleaded with him and how did Elyan ever win an argument against that girl with her brown eyes so earnest and the corners of her mouth drawn into a hopeful smile? He sank back down into his chair and Gwen patted him on the back.
"Fine. Fine! Percy, I apologise for my outburst, it wasn't your fault I had a sh*t week at work," he recited as petulantly as he could.
"Your apologies are really coming along. Has Merlin been working on them with you?" Gwaine teased. Arthur chose to ignore this because yes Merlin had been working on his apology skills but that was none of Gwaine's business.
"Can we just get on with our meals please?" Arthur begged, dropping his head into his hands. There was a beat before Gwen valiantly attempted to restart a conversation.
"So how is the new trainer working out Morgause?"
"She's been wonderful so far. She's put me on a higher protein diet than Victor had me eating and she's varied my cardio routine a little."
"Excellent." Another lull before Gwen desperately leaned around Arthur to look at Freya.
"I've been meaning to ask Freya, I've got a little girl in year two who is having an awful time controlling her temper. I was wondering if I might borrow that book off you again, the one with the chapter about self-esteem and bragging. The title is something about painting the real you?"
"I think I know the one you mean. I'll bring it round to tea this week."
There was nothing but the scrape of cutlery and the sound of chewing for a few moments before Gwaine spoke.
"So would now be a good time to announce that Morgause and I have been seeing each other?"
Arthur squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated very hard on counting backwards from ten and not punching Gwaine. He compromised by propping his chin up on his fists instead.
"He's not serious, is he?" Gwen asked, turning to Morgause.
Morgause wiped her mouth neatly with a napkin before replying. "He is actually. I told him not to say anything until the last couple had paired off, but good for him for keeping it in this long." She smiled at Gwaine in a way that promised pain later but Gwaine just smiled merrily back at her.
"How long has it been going on then?" Freya asked timidly.
"How long has it been now darling, eight months?"
"Six actually. Those first two don't count."
"Oh come now, we may not have been doing anything other than sheet rustling but it was the start of something magical!" And that was enough disgusting banter for one evening.
"Six months? SIX MONTHS? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?" Arthur roared.
"We, well, Morgause didn't want to upset you so we figured we wouldn't say anything until it turned into anything. And then it did and Freya and Elyan got together and now, apparently, Viv and Perce, so I figured it would be prudent to say something now before the rumour mill started. Because let me assure you, anything you lot can gossip up about us, we've probably already done," he leaned back in his chair, surveying their reactions with evident glee. If he had hoped to unsettle Morgause with his lewd comments he failed, as she did nothing but smile and flick a speck of dirt out from under her nails.
Arthur scrubbed a hand over his face. "Thank you Morgause, for thinking of me in this decision," she nodded at him, "but no thanks are given to you for dropping this bomb on me while the crater is still smoldering from the Vercy bomb!"
"First off, don't ever call them 'Vercy' again, that's something teenaged girls and gossip columns do. Second, not everything is about you Princess. Gwen, Freya and Percy are our dear friends and I wanted to share my happiness with them, you just happened to hear it as well," his tone lost its joking edge as he continued. "We're all adults though Arthur, and some napkin we signed almost seven years ago shouldn't dictate our futures. You've been acting like you've got a stick up your arse on and off since Gwen and Lance got together and that was almost two years ago. I wouldn't have thought you'd be one for trying to control how people felt about each other."
It was a low blow, but he was also right. Arthur's brain furiously worked to come up with a way out of the argument without losing face but came up with nothing. "Treasure this moment Gwaine because it's the only time you're ever going to hear it…but you're right," he sighed and turned to address the rest of the table. "The whole reason I came up with that stupid napkin pledge in the first place was because I care about you all and I want to see you happy. I thought the best way of doing that was to prevent any potential awkwardness or heartbreak by having you agree not to date each other but clearly I was….wrong," he forced the last word out, lips almost refusing to form the word.
Gwaine took one look at his puckered face and burst out laughing. "Well done Princess, that must have taken some effort. I forgive you for being a massive berk."
"I never said the pledge was entirely wrong! Just that I may have been…misguided."
"Nope, it's too late to go back now," Gwaine replied, laughing. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you would raise your glasses please. I hereby propose a toast in victory of Arthur admitting he was wrong, thus officially ending that goddamn napkin contract." Freya curled Arthur's hand around his glass and raised it for him and Gwen helped her manoeuvre it to his mouth, making him drink along with the rest of them.
"Hang on though, not everyone has hooked up yet. What about Merlin?" Arthur would have protested his exclusion from Percy's comments, but he saw the gleam in Gwaine's eye and knew exactly where the conversation was headed so he said nothing.
"Oh I wouldn't worry about Merlin," Gwaine replied, swinging his feet up on Vivian's empty chair, "I don't think we'll have to wait too much longer on that front."
Part 3: Did you find part 2 tediously long? So did Arthur.
The problem with everyone coupling up, as Arthur had always known, was two-fold. The first problem Arthur had been fairly certain of back on that first night at the Wilddeoren and six years later now knew it was a problem beyond a shadow of a doubt. Problem one was cohabitation. Because while it was fine and dandy to have everyone living in mixed groupings during the uni and immediate post years, it was suddenly a big deal to be living with your partner.
It started with Gwen and Lance (because everything gross and romantic always started with them). In a moment of weakness Arthur reasoned that it was probably fair for them to be the first to move in together because they had been together the longest, but that moment passed when Morgana announced her and Leon's plans to find a place together (and yes, he had to find out from his bloody sister instead of the man he shared a bedroom wall with). This caused Arthur grief for two reasons; the first of which being it left Arthur without a flatmate, and the second of which was that they caused a domino effect throughout the rest of the group. One couple living together was sweet - two couples living together meant the race was on. Much like the great scramble to couple up, a great number of people essentially started flat hopping.
Looking back on the event in the later years, the group would affectionately remember this moment in their history as the "nesting phase". Because in the months following Leon's departure he let the spare room to Elyan for two months while Freya was gone on a series of conferences, to Elena for three weeks while she and Mithian looked for a flat together, to Gwaine for seven weeks while he convinced Morgause to move in with him, and even to Gwen for three months while Lance was doing a nursing exchange in Namibia. After Gwen was reunited with her knight in shining armour, Arthur made the executive decision to not look for another flat mate, as four in the space of seven months was quite enough.
All of this was rather tiring for Arthur who just wanted to go back to his predictable life of pints on Fridays, films on Tuesdays, and ogling Merlin from a respectable distance. Almost seven years to the date that the infamous napkin pledge was signed, Arthur almost had his wish. Everyone was settled with their respective matches except for Sophia and Will who were packing for their upcoming move. Living one floor up, Arthur found it hard to escape being wrangled into packing duty, especially since Will sent Merlin up to be the one to ask.
It was Saturday and he had been planning on sleeping in and maybe going for a jog after his customary brunch with Merlin. This plan was derailed by Merlin physically shaking Arthur awake, and while Merlin was a welcome sight to wake up to, Arthur wasn't keen on it being 7:00 am and being dragged downstairs to help pack. 'It's a pyjama party,' Merlin had said. 'It will be fun,' he'd said. Arthur had resisted for as long as he could before Merlin ripped the covers off him and dragged him bodily out of bed and boy did Arthur regret giving him that key right now. Arthur was tasked with the very important job of packing Sophia's hats. Why Sophia needed so many tiny costume hats and why they all seemed to live in Will and Merlin's hall closet was a mystery, but Arthur dutifully packed the hats with what he thought was a nice balance of whining and actually getting work done.
It was completely by accident that Arthur overheard Merlin and Will's conversation in the bathroom. Will was attempting to clean a year and a half's worth of soap scum out of the bathtub and Merlin was trying to sort through their various bathroom implements. The problem with living with the same person for half a decade, as Arthur found out when Leon left, was that you forgot who owned what. The hair dryer was debatable because it was bought to dry the paint on their Lord of the Rings warhammer figures. The pomade was definitely Merlin's from the Halloween he had grown his hair out to go as Loki. The bikini wax was anyone's guess.
The point was that Arthur really didn't want to be hearing any of this. So it was grudgingly that he packed yet another tiny hat into another tiny hat box and finally woke up enough to process what Merlin and Will were discussing.
"Of course I'm happy for you mate, I just don't get it."
"What's there to get? My socialist leanings, my career, and my very being piss her grandfather off which drives her into my arms. In turn, her rejection of her family title and her refusal to live off aristocratic wealth is hot, and watching her boss her band mates around on stage gets me going like nobody's business. She's basically my ideal woman."
"Number one, ew, I don't want to hear about your messed up ideas of what's appropriate foreplay. I more meant the part about you two moving in together. I mean, we share a flat, I've heard you guys going at it. And not in the sexy way."
"It's not so bad."
"That's like saying WWII was a bit of a tussle. You two fight an extreme amount."
"Yeah but the make-up sex is brilliant."
"Ok no, that's enough, my ears can't take anymore."
"I dunno mate, they're pretty massive, I think they can take a bit more."
"Oi!"
Arthur heard the telltale fizz of shaving cream being dispensed and a roar which he took to mean Merlin had foamed Will for his comment. The click of a lid and Merlin's shouts joining Will's made it impossible for Arthur to stay in his funk; no one can stay cranky within twenty feet of a foam war, it's statistically impossible. He walked into the bathroom and leaned against the doorframe, taking in the sight of Will holding Merlin in a headlock, rubbing shampoo into his hair, while Merlin did his best to squeeze a bottle of foot lotion down Will's pyjama bottoms.
"Gentlemen, this is hardly conducive to packing," Arthur crossed his arms but couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. The two of them froze like the naughty children they were and yelled 'he started it,' in unison before resuming their struggle. Arthur let it continue for all of ten seconds before soaking them both with the spray bottle normally reserved for Aithusa.
"Alright enough, enough! I yield," Merlin laughed while trying to shield his face.
"Arg alright, yes," Will echoed when Arthur turned the full force of the bottle on him. "Ugh, I need a shower. Bagsy first go."
"That's fine, I'll just use Arthur's," Merlin said casually like that statement didn't do things to Arthur's gut and possibly his nether regions.
"Merlin, you're not actually going to walk through the halls like that, are you?" Arthur asked, trying to keep the enthusiasm out of his voice at the idea of Merlin in his shower. It was by no means the first time it had happened, but it was still an event worthy of some excitement.
"Of course I am. The landlord is coming by at 3:30 and we've got to get this mess cleaned up by then."
Arthur frowned. "Why is the landlord coming by?"
"To look at the flat of course," Merlin replied as if it was the most logical thing in the world. "We can hardly expect to get our deposit back if it still looks like sh*t."
"Your deposit," Arthur said slowly, the pieces finally slotting into place, "you're moving out too."
"We can't all afford flats like these on our own mister found a salaried job straight out of uni," Merlin teased. "My grant barely covers rent and food, let alone renting an extra bedroom."
"Oh, I meant to tell you, the avenues have flats opening up soon," said Will, passing Merlin a towel.
"The avenues?" Merlin pulled a face. "I may still be on a student budget but that doesn't mean I want to slough it like a bloody sophom*ore again."
"Yeah but they're in your budget and you wouldn't have to look for another flat mate if you lived there."
"The walls are so thin I may as well be living with my neighbours," Merlin snorted. "Besides, the kids that live there like to do things like go out and have fun and other things I don't have time for. I'd be that cranky old man thumping his broom on the ceiling and yelling at them to keep it down."
"Merlin, you're twenty-six, not a hundred," Will rolled his eyes.
"I may as well be," Merlin finished drying and chucked his towel at Will. "Did I tell you what happened to me last week? I was sitting in my office and I could hear all these voices passing by on the street below and I thought 'that's weird, why are there so many people out tonight?' Then I remembered it was Friday. I actually forgot that people with social lives go out on Fridays. I'd die living in the avenues again."
"Just a suggestion. But you're not going to find much cheaper that close to the school."
"Or you could just move in with me," the words left Arthur's mouth before his brain could fully process the ramifications of his statement.
Merlin and Will both turned to face him.
"What?"
"I said you could move in with me," he said slowly. "It's been ages since Leon left and it'd be nice to have some permanent company."
"Arthur I-,"
"No listen. You're up there often enough that you practically live there already; I think you've left more jumpers on my couch than all my exes combined," and that was dangerous territory, back peddle, back peddle. "Besides, it would be the easiest move in the world just to shift your stuff upstairs. No renting a van, no flat viewings. All you'd have to do is change your post," he finished in a rush.
"I-," Merlin looked slightly stunned, "yeah alright."
"Merlin, maybe you should think about this for a bit," Will cautioned with a note of something Arthur couldn't place in his voice.
"No, no it's perfect!" A smile erupted on Merlin's face and it deafened all the warning bells going off in Arthur's head screaming 'ABORT, ABORT'.
"You were just saying how much you were looking forward to going it on your own," Will grit out from clenched teeth.
"You must have misheard me," Merlin hissed back, "I was just saying how lonely it was going to be to live on my own."
"What about your home office?"
"I've got one at school. Why do I need two? That sounds awfully greedy."
"He's a grown man Will, let him make his own decisions," Arthur interjected.
Will glared at him and opened his mouth but Merlin cut in before he could speak.
"Will, this solves all my problems," he started.
"Not all of them," said Will pointedly. Arthur couldn't catch the meaning behind his words but Merlin glared at Will and continued.
"Fine. Not all of them. But a fair few. Now jog on yeah?"
"Do whatever you want mate," said Will, lifting his hands in surrender. "Just don't come crying to me when this all blows up in your face."
"I'm really not that difficult to live with," Arthur protested indignantly but Merlin ignored him and addressed Will.
"I will always come crying to you with my problems William, and you will always have a couch for me to sleep on."
"You can ask Leon," Arthur tried again.
Will appraised Merlin for a moment before groaning and dropping his head into his hand. "Lord help me I will. If Soph and I get married I'll write it into our pre-nup that you're allowed to crash whenever needed. And if I die some horribly fiery death I'll write it into my will that my children must offer you their couches whenever needed."
Merlin turned to face Arthur. "So when can I move in?"
"You already have a key," he replied dumbly. "Today?"
"Brilliant! Let's haul some box!"
And that's how the great nesting phase came to a close. All the couples had successfully moved in together and Arthur accidently invited the love of his f*cking life to move in with him in a purely platonic sense. In some small part of his brain, Arthur secretly hoped that Merlin would be an awful flat mate so he could douse the flame of his embarrassingly large crush on the idiot.
Of course that meant Merlin turned out to be the perfect flat mate. Sure, they still argued about stupid things ('you don't have a job Merlin, you can literally shower anytime you feel like', 'but I like to be up early in the mornings', 'that's fine, just stay out of the shower for the thirty minutes before I go to work, then you can spend the next four hours in there for all I care!'), but for the most part Merlin was easier to live with than any of the others. His room and his shelf in the bathroom were a mess but he kept the rest of the flat immaculately clean. He did most of the work on his thesis from home so he was around all the time to do the little day to day chores that Arthur didn't have time for like the dishes and brushing the cat hair off the furniture. Granted, Arthur never had to worry about cat hair on the furniture before Merlin moved in, but he took care of so many other chores that Arthur let it slide. Merlin often complained that he wasn't Arthur's servant, but he had dinner on the table by the time Arthur was home from work without fail. If anything, living with Merlin just made Arthur fall more in love with the dolt.
Living with Merlin made his flat feel more like a home. When Leon had lived there, neither of them had much in the way of decorations beyond sport posters left over from the days when postering your entire dorm was cool. With the random hodge podge of friends Arthur had let live with him over the past year, he had acquired several random pieces of furniture that never got properly reunited with their owners. Somehow Merlin managed to arrange the rooms and make everything fit together like it belonged. He took Gwen's wrought iron dining set and paired it with his own Victorian set to create a rather whimsical dining area and started hosting monthly dinner parties.
He also took to inviting the girls round for Saturday afternoon crafting sessions. Originally this was to create a set of pillowcases that would tie all the odd throw pillows together, but it slowly became a thing. After one of their brunches, Arthur had chosen to go out shopping for a new watch (because one of his year sixes had spilled their lemonade on it and honestly Merlin, stop being so nosy) and came back to his flat to find all of the ladies and Merlin sitting on the couch. All of them were in various stages of knitting except for Merlin who had his hands spread apart and was letting Mithian wind her skein around them.
"Pleasure to see you all," he said once he'd gotten over the shock of finding nine women spread out over his furniture, "can I ask what you're doing here?"
"It's craft day," Freya answered cheerily.
"But the pillows all have matching cases now," Arthur said slowly.
"Yes, and now we're on to hot pads and tea cozies," Mithian chimed in.
"Aw sh*t, I've dropped a stitch again. Can you pick it up for me Soph?" asked Elena, holding out her knitting imploringly.
"It's really not that hard to fix," Sophia rolled her eyes but took it from her anyways.
"Morgause, we need the scissors down at this end again," Gwen called down the couch. Morgause passed the scissors to Freya and then watched as they all took turns passing them down the couch in what was obviously a well practised move.
"What do you think, can I match the teal with the rose or does it clash too much?" Vivian asked and all eyes turned to her. Clearly no longer interested in his company, Arthur started edging awkwardly towards his bedroom.
"Carry on then," was all he could think of to say.
"Oh we plan on it," Morgana shouted to his retreating back as he walked down the hall. And they did carry on. Every Saturday. For the next seven weeks.
Arthur got progressively more nervous each week, as his apartment was slowly filling up with handicrafts. The girls had managed to power through all sorts of kitchen decorations and were now working on sewing him and Merlin matching bedding, Gwen lending her talents to embellishing their headboards. Although he found how hard they were working endearing, having all the girls together at once caused reason number two for Arthur to be worried about the mass coupling. Because as everyone knows, couples spawn more couples. And there were only two members of the group left to play with.
He'd come back from the gym one Saturday to find Merlin standing on the coffee table wearing a wedding dress while Vivian and Sophia tucked and pinned various folds of the gown. It wasn't unusual for Vivian to bring her work home with her, but she usually got one of the girls to model the dresses and Arthur was concerned what this particular design might be doing to the girls.
Merlin caught him staring and shrugged, "the others were busy and I'm useless with a needle and thread."
"I thought this was craft Saturday?" he said to the room at large.
"It is," replied Morgause.
"Then why are you all working on Vivian's actual work?"
"Because all of our supplies now live in your living room so we figured why not just do it here!" Mithian smiled up at him like she honestly thought it was a great idea.
"Not that I don't love having you all here-," Arthur started.
"Just leave it Arthur, they've given us enough free labour and handicrafts that I think we can let them use the living room from time to time. Besides, they're not hurting anyone. Ouch! Watch where you're pinning!"
Arthur watched, transfixed, as Merlin bent over and started fussing with the edge of his dress. While the image of Merlin in a wedding dress was not something Arthur was going to forget any time soon, he was distracted by the court Morgana seemed to be holding on the far end of the couch.
"All I'm saying Merlin," she called over as she finished embroidering a flower design onto one of the gloves, "is that you've been out of the game for far too long. When was the last time you had sex."
"Last Tuesday," he answered promptly without turning around.
"Last Tuesday you saw Star Trek with me and Elena for the fourth time and cried your way through the entire film," Mithian snorted.
"Into Darkness is a masterpiece and brought me to org*sm several times. And you'd have to have a heart of stone not to cry during the Wrath of Khan radiation scene," Merlin retorted.
"You grabbed my arm during the opening credits and said 'I'm not going to make it' before bursting out into tears," said Elena.
"I am secure enough in my masculinity to cry over the glory of our cinematic age Elena. I wept manly tears."
"Says the man wearing a wedding dress," Vivian chirped.
"It's a very manly dress though Merlin. The beadwork exudes testosterone," Arthur drawled from the kitchen.
"You have no right to speak of this, our kind is allowed to wear dresses," shouted Merlin.
"At pride maybe. But you're joining a completely different culture if you want to go around wearing dresses all the time," Arthur yelled back. He was digging in the fridge looking for the leftover chicken he was sure Merlin had left for him when he heard the ominous words.
"You really do look lovely in a wedding dress though Merlin. It's a shame you'll never get married," Gwen sighed.
"What do you mean 'never get married'?" Merlin whipped around.
Gwen looked at Morgana who continued for her. "All Gwen means is that you'll never get married if you don't start looking for Mister Right."
"Is Leon your Mister Right then Morgana?" Merlin snorted.
"He might be. But don't turn this back on me Merlin. I've been in a deeply committed relationship for almost three years. Even Morgause managed to tie Gwaine down finally. When are you going to take the plunge and stop all these casual encounters?" Arthur didn’t have a clue about the casual encounters Morgana seemed so sure were happening because as far as he knew, Merlin hadn't had sex with anyone in the two months he'd been living at Arthur's. Arthur had forced himself to make a point of saying Merlin could invite anyone he wanted back to the flat, his brain wailing at him to lock Merlin up and never let him out of the flat, while Merlin cheerfully replied that Arthur could do the same. After all, he wouldn't want to 'cramp his style'. So unless Merlin was having sex with random blokes during the seven or so hours Arthur was teaching he didn't know quite when it was happening.
"She's right you know Merlin," Morgause broke into his reverie. "Statistically speaking, most people meet their partners while in school. You've got what, another year at most before you've finished your doctorate? You'd better hurry up."
"What a comforting thought," replied Merlin sarcastically.
"What about that Mordred bloke from your programme? Didn't you say you thought he was interested in you?" asked Vivian.
"Ugh, no thank you."
"What's wrong with him? He seemed sweet when I met him that one time," said Morgana.
"He's very sweet - that's the problem. He's constantly following me around and offering to do things for me like make copies or lend me his notes which is great and all but there's absolutely zero feelings on my end so it just makes everything awkward. He's always pining away, it's a nightmare!" and Arthur did his best to stop staring at Merlin wistfully because pining was apparently a turn off.
"Alright so not Mordred then. What about that other one, Julius?" asked Gwen.
"We made out twice and now he calls me at four a.m. every couple of weeks when he's drunk. Usually on Tuesdays. I don't think he's true love material," replied Merlin flatly.
"Fine, not Julius either. Really Merlin, we just have your best interests at heart," Freya squeezed his hand. "I just hate to think of you being alone for forever."
"He's not alone. He's got me," Arthur entered the living room, picking at the chicken as he went.
"Because that's exactly what he needs. Another lone wolf who won't settle," Morgana chided.
"Why aren't you all fussing over me this way then?" Arthur demanded.
"Because you haven't had a serious relationship in the entire length of time I've known you Arthur. Merlin here at least has a chance of settling down. You're a lost cause," Sophia smiled sweetly at him.
"Soph," Elena shot her a warning look. "It's just that you never brought anyone around so we always kind of thought you liked living the bachelor lifestyle. If you want we can bully you into dating too!" She looked genuinely worried that Arthur couldn't justify leading her on anymore.
"Of course I like the bachelor lifestyle Ellie," he said, sinking down on the couch and offering her chicken, "I'm just pulling your leg. Who needs long lasting companionship, am I right Merlin?"
Merlin took a second too long to reply with, "right" so obviously Morgana jumped on his hesitation.
"Don't let yourself be bullied by him Merlin. Just because he enjoys a life of serial hook-ups doesn't mean you can't look for something more."
"I'm happy as is, really," Merlin protested feebly.
"Of course you're not. That's why we've decided to help you," Morgana cut in smoothly.
"What do you mean by 'help'?" Merlin questioned warily.
"I mean that we've set up a dating profile for you online and you've got a couple dozen messages waiting for you already."
"WHAT?!" Merlin and Arthur yelled in unison.
Morgana gave him a strange look before turning to Merlin. "Isn't it grand? We wrote up a bio for you and everything."
"And really, it's probably more honest than the one you would have written for yourself," Gwen added. "You've got such a low opinion of yourself sometimes."
"But I don't want to date blokes off the internet!"
"It's perfectly acceptable these days Merlin. I went on a couple of dates with blokes I'd met on the internet back in uni and they were alright. They're actually better than blind dates because you can check out the other guy's profile before you message them to see if you have anything in common," Elena explained, a bit of chicken falling out of her mouth.
"And let's just say you have a lot in common with some of these guys," Vivian giggled.
"But, but," Merlin repeated, looking from face to face. His eyes settled on Arthur and Arthur could read the cry for help in his eyes but couldn't think of anything that would get the girls to back down. And the swish of his skirt was not doing anything to help Arthur focus on the task at hand.
"We were thinking Merlin, that maybe we could screen some of the blokes for you so that you don't get overwhelmed, because your profile did get an awful lot of hits," explained Freya, rubbing small circles on his hand as she did. "We could even set everything up for you. All you'd have to do is go on the dates." Arthur could see the precise moment where Merlin's will broke because it was Freya and no one could really say no to Freya.
"Hypothetically, how many of these dates would I have to go on before you all backed off?"
"Oh, we thought one per couple was fair. That way we each get a chance to pick a guy for you," Morgause commented calmly.
"Seven. You want me to go out with seven random men from the internet and then you'll all stay out of my love life?" Merlin looked at each of them in turn. "Or does Arthur get a go as well?"
"I don't want a go," Arthur blurted out. "I mean, I don't want to pick anyone for you. You'll have enough on your plate with this lot."
"Alright then, we're agreed? Seven men of our choosing, and if you don't find your Mister Right by the end of the seventh date we'll back off for forever." Morgana extended her right hand.
"Do you want a napkin to write this up on? We might even have some paper this time," Arthur commented drily. Merlin, who was mid-reach in grasping Morgana's hand, whipped his head around to look at Arthur so fast that he lost his balance and tumbled sideways off the table. Arthur caught him awkwardly over his shoulder and spun him around so that Merlin could reach Morgana.
"Seven it is then," said Merlin, pumping her hand.
And so that was how Arthur's life dropped to its lowest point. Despite the fact that he had a steady job that he genuinely enjoyed, and had more close friends than any one person should rightfully have, this was the moment he would pinpoint as the instant everything had gone to sh*t. What had started with an innocent coffee date between Gwen and Lance seven years ago had mutated into Arthur platonically sharing a wall with Merlin, and having to sit back and torturously watch as he went on seven blind dates in search of the love of his life. It was all so utterly f*cked that Arthur decided the best course of action was to turn this particular craft Saturday into shots Saturday. Which is why Arthur's mantle now has a series of pictures of Merlin in a wedding dress getting progressively slu*ttier, pulling down the neckline of his dress and filling the front with toilet paper, eating jelly shots off Gwen's stomach, and doing a bouquet toss with a pair of flower covered oven mitts.
Part 4: Seven Dates For Merlin? Arthur Is Definitely Going To Handle This Like An Adult.
The thing about Merlin was that Arthur had built a carefully crafted wall when it came to his feelings for him. For years he had watched as Merlin had danced around girls, always fortifying the wall when he went out on a date and then allowing the supports to sag a little when he broke it off a week later. He'd had a bit of a break during the year or so since Merlin had come out since he hadn't officially dated any men yet, but Arthur knew his wall was going to be put to the test once more when Merlin started on his dating spree.
They had all gotten together as a group in Vivian and Percy's living room to go over the potential matches. Merlin was obviously banished from the room, and as Arthur had wanted nothing to do with the proceedings, the two of them had spent the afternoon lounging in the guest bedroom beating the sh*t out of each other playing super smash brothers melee. The various shrieks and giggles coming from the living room did not inspire him with much confidence.
Apparently Merlin was feeling the same. "Do you think it'll be alright?" he asked Arthur nervously after a particularly loud bout of laughter erupted down the hall.
Arthur took advantage of his distraction and falcon punched him off the screen. "It'll be fine. They're all your friends and I think they really do want you to be happy and all that rot. You know what they're like when they all get together."
"Yeah. Yeah I guess." They continued playing in silence for a few minutes before Merlin broke it again. "So you don't then?"
"Don't I what?"
"Want me to be happy?"
"What?!" Arthur twisted to look at Merlin and was rewarded by Merlin electrocuting him off the map.
"If you care about my happiness and all that then why aren't you out there with the rest of them?" Merlin asked glumly.
"Merlin, are you insane? Of course I care about your happiness!" Arthur looked at him incredulously. "You're my best mate you idiot."
"You always know what to say to make me feel better."
"Look, just because I'm not out there with the rest of them planning your imaginary wedding with random blokes, it doesn't mean I don't care about your best interests or whatever. I'd just rather see you wait it out and find someone you're actually happy with rather than dating whatever monkey they come up with to please the group," Arthur ranted.
Merlin blinked at him for a moment before turning back to the game. "Wow Arthur, who would have guessed you put so much thought into my feelings."
"I'm doing this for purely selfish reasons of course," and wasn't that the truth. "I just don’t want to have to cheer you up after you get dumped seven times in a row when those blokes realise how unattractive and deeply boring you are." Truth is overrated anyways.
Merlin's response was to blow Arthur up with a particularly impressive bomb throw. They continued playing until their scores were 76 wins to Arthur's 69 and would have kept going except that Gwaine came to summon them back to the living room.
"Merlin m'lad, your fate has been decided," he said, offering a hand to pull Merlin up off the bed. Merlin turned to Arthur and gave him the biggest puppy-dog expression Arthur had ever seen. He was quite proud of himself for not grabbing Merlin and cuddling him into the bed, instead going with plan B which was to look sympathetic and shrug.
"I've changed my mind, I don't wanna," Merlin whined. Gwaine just smiled at him and hoisted him up off the bed and over his shoulder. Merlin squawked but couldn't wrestle his way out of Gwaine's grip. He mouthed 'help me' at Arthur as he was carried out of the room, still clutching the wireless controller. Arthur sighed and let himself sulk for a moment before muttering 'game over' melodramatically, turning off the console and heading into the living room with everyone else.
Everyone was sitting in a semi-circle their respective pairing, a sight which Arthur found to be remarkably intimidating. A single dining room chair had been placed at the apex of the circle and Gwaine deposited Merlin there before joining Morgause on the loveseat. Merlin looked understandably nervous but Arthur didn't fancy sitting with him for fear some of the enthusiastic matching would spill over onto him, despite Elena's promises to the contrary.
"Merlin sweetheart, don't look so scared," said Morgana in what she obviously thought was a comforting tone.
"Calling me 'sweetheart' isn't actually alleviating any of my stress Morgs. I much prefer it when I'm dimwit or goofus."
"Alright goofus, don't look so scared. We're sending you on dates, we're not making you enlist."
"Get on with it then," Merlin huffed.
"So we've decided that you'll go on these dates over the course of the next seven Fridays. That way, if you find one you really like you'll have a whole week to see him again and cancel on your next suitor. We've already emailed the ones we picked out for you so there's no backing out now. You'll be starting this week with mine and Leon's pick," Morgana dictated all of this from Leon's lap, for all the world looking like a queen on her throne rather than on a tall bloke in an armchair.
"This week? But it's Wednesday already! I don't have time to buy new clothes, I've got to revise my current chapter by Monday!" Merlin's voice crept to an impressively high octave.
"Easy Merlin, it's almost like you're worried about impressing mystery date number one," Arthur bit out nastily.
Merlin made a face at him. "Maybe I am."
Of course, Arthur couldn't do anything else without giving away his feelings on this entire farce so he settled for throwing himself into the corner armchair and crossing his arms like the thirteen year old girl he was.
Merlin rolled his eyes and turned back to Morgana. "Who's my first one then?"
"His name's Daegal. His mum is a horticulturalist so we figured there'd be lots of crossover with your research that you could talk about. Plus, check out his photo. He's attractive right?" Leon handed the printout to Merlin and Arthur watched in horror as Merlin lifted his eyebrows and co*cked his head.
"He's…alright," said Merlin with a forced air of casualness.
This elicited a huge cheer from the group and prompted Morgana to throw her arms around him as if Merlin and Donald (David?) had just announced their engagement. It was sick making.
"You've got a dinner date this Friday at the Oyster House. We'll come by at five to help you get ready," said Morgana, finally disentangling herself from Merlin.
"We're going to hold onto our printouts until the week of the date, that way it'll be a surprise," said Freya like it was a good thing.
"Ok," Merlin grinned. "You know, this is actually kind of exciting."
"See Arthur, it's not so bad. You sure you don't want to give it a go?" Elena twisted in Mithian's arms to look at him in the corner. All eyes turned to him and Arthur caught sight of Merlin's puckered face, clearly upset that the limelight was no longer being shone on him.
Arthur sighed dramatically. "No, you're far better off sticking to Merlin to play matchmaker with. I fear you wouldn't be able to find anyone that lives up to my high standards. Merlin here would be far easier pair off. He'd be happy with a squirrel if it paid him a compliment every now and again."
"A squirrel? Really Arthur, that's the best you can come up with?" Merlin rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't settle for anything less than a complimentary octopus." Arthur could tell that Merlin was trying to keep the atmosphere light but he was still clutching the damn printout and Arthur snapped.
"Yes, an octopus would be a better match for you, wouldn't it? Eight arms means more chances of getting snuggles, and we all know how much you crave physical contact. And hey, I think octopus have rather good eyesight as well, all the better to see you in action! Really, your constant need for praise is rather off-putting." Arthur knew he had taken it too far but he couldn't bring himself to apologise because everyone was scowling and turning their backs on him and that was what he wanted right? To be left alone in his static cocoon of going to work and being stupidly in love with Merlin from a distance and not really ever getting anywhere. That was his idea of comfort yes? He almost broke his mask when he saw Merlin's face, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, but he stayed stone faced and watched as Merlin's expression turned to anger.
"It's funny, but I could have sworn you said you had my best interests at heart just twenty minutes ago. If this is your idea of being supportive you've got an awfully funny way of showing it," Merlin regarded him coldly.
Arthur leaned back in his chair, summoning up inspiration from the fights he'd heard between his father and various girlfriends over the years. "I'm just trying to stop you from making a fool out of yourself. Have you even read what they put in your profile? They've probably made you out to be some kind of scholastic genius instead of the floundering student you are. How do you know this Dustin even likes you for you?"
"It's Daegal, and I just do alright," he was practically yelling now. Arthur could see he was struggling and went in for the kill.
"You're just desperate not to end up alone in a sea of couples so you're latching onto the first man that's ever shown the slightest bit of interest in you," he shouted.
"He's hardly the first man that's shown interest in me, I'm not some blushing virgin you know," Merlin yelled back. "But you're right, I definitely don't want to end up alone because otherwise I'll turn into you, a bitter old man at twenty-six who loves his routine more than he loves people and who lives in fear of seeing his friends being happy and successful without him."
The room was deadly quiet except for Merlin's ragged breathing. Arthur sucked his lips in and nodded once before grabbing his coat and heading out, slamming the door behind him. He thought he heard someone shout his name but he ignored them and sprinted down the stairs. Pulling his mobile out as he walked, he skimmed through his contacts and found the number he was looking for.
"Hey, it's Arthur. You two feel like coming out for a drink? I know it's Wednesday, but it is one hell of a Wednesday and I fancy a pint or six. Alright, ring Nimueh and Kay too. Meet at Albion in twenty."
By the time Arthur got to the pub he had walked off most of his anger and was left with a feeling of dread that he'd finally pushed too far and cracked his friendship with Merlin beyond repair. He was met with the comforting sight of Tristan, Isolde, Nimueh, and Kay at the bar, clearly having been sensible and taken the tube rather than arriving via brooding pity walk.
"What's up Wart? I haven't drank with you on a Wednesday since senior year you pansy," Kay called over to him, wrapping him into a bone crushing hug as he approached.
"Nice to see you too arsehole," but Arthur smiled and hugged him back. Outside of the main group, there were very few people Arthur had kept in regular contact with since uni. His classmates had pretty much all fallen by the wayside but these four had proven the exception. They'd all met through the Camelot LGBTQ events in first year, and although Arthur had never hit it off with any of them romantically, they'd developed into their own little circle. There'd been some overlap with the big group at parties, and Kay, Percy, and Lance had struck up an unlikely bond over workout routines, but for the most part they stuck to themselves. Arthur preferred it that way anyways. It was nice to have friends he could talk to that didn't know every intimate detail of his life. He'd managed to meet up with them every couple of months since grad and they always welcomed him back with open arms.
"So my wayward son, what seems to be the problem this time?" asked Nimueh, taking a sip of her terrifying co*cktail, the contents of which looked like it had bolts of electricity running through it.
"I like the haircut," Arthur took a sip of the glass Kay thrust into his hand and raised it to her, "very edgy."
"Oh please, half the girls have shaved part of their heads now a days, and they all copied me," she replied, rubbing the buzzed half of her scalp. "But you're deflecting dearest. I assume there's some reason you've called us all out tonight." She narrowed her disturbingly blue eyes at him and Arthur caved, all the fight worn out of him.
"Our friends have wrangled Merlin into going on a series of blind dates and I may have reacted poorly when he got excited about the first one."
Kay snorted into his drink. "Did you finally reveal the massive boner you erected for him in '06?"
"No," Arthur rubbed his eyes, suddenly exhausted. "I said something about the fact that he was so needy and desperate for attention that he repelled people with it. And possibly something about him finding a squirrel and maybe an octopus attractive if it paid him a kind word."
"Oh Arthur, you didn't," Isolde looked at him worriedly and that was just about all Arthur could take so he groaned and started hitting his head on the bar.
"I've made a huge mistake."
"Now's not the time to be melodramatic dear," said Nimueh, stroking his back.
"I think now is exactly the time to be melodramatic," he replied, his speech muffled by the bar.
"Arthur, you've been friends for almost a decade, I don't think everything is going to fall apart because of one, admittedly stupid, fight," Tristan said reassuringly.
"You weren't there," Arthur moaned, "you didn't see the look on his face."
"No, but I did see the look on Isolde's face when I told her I was trapped in the wrong body, and she somehow found it possible to stay in a relationship with me," Tristan commented dryly.
"Seriously? You're pulling the transgender card right now?" Arthur sat up and made a face at him. "It's been seven years Tristan. You know I'll never have anything that can compare to that."
"Mmm, I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to use it as often as I please, but I can check the rule book if you want."
"Stupid rule book," Arthur muttered, taking another swig of his drink.
"Look, the point is you f*cked up. You have no right to dictate who Merlin dates. But big bloody deal! It's one fight. Now go home and apologise to your man."
"He's not my man."
"And whose fault is that?" Kay asked pointedly.
"God's," Arthur replied promptly. "Clearly it is not in the plan for Merlin and I to be an item."
"One, you're an atheist. Two, no one uses 'item' as a colloquialism for dating anymore," Isolde rolled her eyes at him. "Besides, that's a piss-poor excuse and you know it. Have you ever even asked him to go on a date?"
"No, no one actually asks people on dates. They just sort of fall in love and then move in together."
"Arthur, your circle is the dumb exception to how love works, and most of that is your fault in the first place for keeping them all pent up for four years. You know how Isolde knew I was interested in her? I told her, shocking I know."
"I can't do that with Merlin, it's been too long. Besides, if he rejects me now he's just going to think I'm some kind of pathetic stalker who manipulated him into living with me."
"Isn't that exactly what happened?" Nimueh asked sweetly.
"No! Maybe a little. Shut up," he said petulantly.
"Leaving your creepy stalker crush aside for a minute, when was the last time you had any sort of real relationship?" asked Tristan.
"Do you mean when was the last time I dated someone or the last time I got off with someone? Because the answer to both is none of your business."
"Arthur," Tristan implored.
"Ignore him Tristan, we don't need him to tell us," Kay threw his arm around Tristan's shoulders. "We can piece together his love life on our own. Let's see, there was what's his name back in first year. The one who was a virgin before you got to him. Galahad?"
"Ooh yes, and Leon's cousin Bors for a bit after him," chimed Isolde.
"And who could forget poor Bedivere. Did he ever get over his little crush on you?" asked Nimueh innocently.
"If by 'little crush' you mean the damn shrine dedicated to me I found in his closet, I don't know. We didn't talk much after the break-up for obvious reasons," Arthur glared at her.
"He speaks!" Kay's eyes opened comically wide and he staggered backwards in mock surprise.
"Yes he does," Tristan narrowed his eyes. "Perhaps he could fill us in on his encounters after those three, because by my count we're missing about two years from Bedivere to the present."
"That's because there hasn't really been anyone since Bedivere. It's a bit disconcerting to find pictures of yourself pasted to the back of a closet," Arthur bit out.
"Wart, are you telling us that you haven't been with anyone since 2012? No trading slobber or back alley handies?" The look of genuine concern on Kay's face was too funny to ignore so Arthur rolled his eyes and answered.
"There's been a couple of those encounters that you so delicately described, but nothing beyond 2012, no."
"Repressing your sex drive isn't good Arthur," Isolde frowned at him.
"I'm not repressing it! It just…hurts too much," he grimaced. He looked around at their pitying expressions and ploughed on. "Going out takes so much work. You have to dress up and take the tube and spend all night getting sweaty on the dance floor just to get a blowy in the loo. Or you get invited back to some stranger's flat and you have to try and sneak out in the morning without waking them up and you're left feeling disgusted with yourself and a condom wrapper stuck to your leg. It's much easier to just stay home and watch a film or something," he waved his hand vaguely.
"Let me guess, by film you don't mean one of the adult variety, do you?" questioned Tristan.
"Sometimes, it's hard though cause Merlin is home most evenings." Judging by the look on Tristan's face, that was the wrong answer.
"Are you telling me you don't even jerk off anymore?"
"C'mon, none of us really jerk off that much anymore. Getting up there in years, losing the sex drive and all that," Arthur fumbled.
"Arthur, that's really not healthy," Tristan's glowered at him. "I don't care if you're not getting off with random men in bathroom stalls, because frankly I worry about you when you do that, but not even touching yourself? You need to give yourself permission to let go sometimes."
"Seriously Arthur, get yourself a subscription to p*rn hub and live a little!" Nimueh bumped his shoulder.
"This coming from the biromantic," Arthur muttered into his drink.
"Do as I say, not as I do," she shrugged. "Besides, just look at you tonight. You look like a little lost puppy who just wants some TLC." She scratched gently behind his ear.
"You lot are the worst, I don't know why I hang out with you," Arthur grumbled, because Nimueh definitely didn't need to know that he enjoyed the scratching, however condescending it was.
"Because Wart, we are obviously the coolest people you know," Kay downed his drink and slammed his glass on the bar. "And also the only people you can talk to about your Merlin woes." Which was horribly true and something Arthur always felt guilty about because he genuinely liked this group but often felt like he was using them to bitch to. Like his own personal Dear Abby.
"Also because we keep that giant head of yours attached to your body," said Tristan, ruffling his hair.
"NOT THE HAIR," Arthur ducked out of his reach but Kay caught him and pinned his arms behind his back, allowing Tristan, Isolde, and Nimueh to all descend and pull at his hair in truly absurd ways.
When they were finally satisfied with their work Kay planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek, turned him to face the door, and patted him on the bum. "No one will be able to stay mad at you looking like that Wart." He winked at him and downed the rest of Arthur's abandoned pint, Isolde waving after him.
"We've got your drink, text us and tell us how it goes!"
Arthur knew that resistance was futile at this point and headed for the tube station, desperately hoping Merlin would be asleep when he got home. Entering their flat, he was rewarded with the sight of Merlin asleep on the couch and tried to sneak past him, deciding that he could forgo his flossing routine this one time in favour of staving off the apology for as long as possible. His stealth act lasted for all of six paces before he tripped over Merlin's trainers behind the couch (and seriously Merlin, seriously? The shoe rack isn't just there for decoration) and face planted spectacularly.
He could hear Merlin sit up on couch beside him but he couldn't bring himself to move.
"Why are you on the floor?"
"Because I tripped over your stupid shoes. Why the hell would you take them off here?"
"I didn't. I put them there in the hopes that you'd trip over them in case I fell asleep waiting for you. Tied the laces together and everything. Clearly it worked."
"Yes, well done you," Arthur groaned and rolled over. His efforts were rewarded with the sight of a worried looking Merlin sticking his head over the top of the couch. Maybe it was the head wound or the hastily drank pint, but Arthur found himself admiring the view of Merlin's neck and chin from the bottom up. It wasn't a sight he got to see normally, and would have been content to lay there for a while and stare at it had Merlin not started talking.
"Are you alright?"
"A bit winded but it's mostly my pride that's been damaged."
"I'm still mad at you."
"Savour the moment Merlin because for once you have every right to be. I was a prat."
Merlin snorted. "No, you're a prat when you make me serve you breakfast in bed because you can't be arsed to get up. What you were tonight was a raging asshole for no particular reason. Unless you have a reason you'd like to share now?" Merlin propped himself up on his arms and waited patiently.
This was it. All he had to say was 'why yes Merlin, I got in a strop because I actually fancy you so much that I sometimes go blind with the overwhelming amount of feelings you make me have' and then they would kiss and have make-up sex and then this whole seven dates lark would be over. What actually came out of his mouth was, "I don't know, maybe I am jealous that you're moving on with your life and I'm just stuck. You were right, I am a bitter old man and I do love my routine more than most people. Sometimes I just feel like everyone is going to suddenly realise I'm not that great of a person and just move on without me." And huh, would you look at that, while deflecting the big truths other smaller feelings were suddenly vomiting up with terrifying honesty.
"Oh Arthur," Merlin breathed sadly, his frown melting into concern, "we're not going to leave you behind. Even if you're still a bachelor at eighty, you will always be invited to Tuesday nights at the cinema and Saturday morning brunch. And I will always send you the best threads on Reddit and collect postcards for you while I'm away on conferences. And most importantly I'll always inflict my presence on your flat, even if I one day, for unseen reasons, move out."
"Even if you're married with children?" Arthur smiled wryly.
"God especially if I'm married with children. I'll need a break from my fictional hellions won't I?" They smiled at each other for as long as Arthur thought was socially acceptable to smile at your platonic friend for.
"You know I didn't actually mean any of what I said?" he asked cautiously.
Merlin's grin faded and he looked away.
"Merlin," Arthur growled.
"It's just that some of it is true though," Merlin replied in a small voice. "I am scared of being alone and I do tend to fall for anyone who smiles at me. And I'm probably not going to get my stupid thesis done this year either. I'm kind of useless."
Arthur sat up at that. "Merlin, despite my teasing you are far from useless. None of us would have graduated uni without you and your tutoring and your nagging. Your students love you and don't shake your head at me because I've read their evals and the school wouldn't keep hiring you back each year if you were sh*te. You helped a good chunk of the group get together and helped the rest stay together through stupid fights. You're always picking up shifts at Gwaine's or offering to be Vivian's model or picking up Lance from the airport. So what if you fall for people easily? You're bloody wonderful Merlin, and if Davin can't see that after spending one dinner with you then he doesn't deserve you. None of us deserve you, least of all me." It came out in a rush and hit closer to home than Arthur would have preferred but it seemed to work because the next thing he knew his face was squashed into the couch and Merlin's arm was around his neck, squeezing the life out of him.
"-lin, whaf?"
"Shh, don't ruin the moment." And even though it was a vaguely painful and asphyxiating moment Arthur leaned into it because Merlin was hugging him, and that was worth the death of a few hundred brain cells.
Part 5: The Bit Where Merlin Goes On The Dates And Arthur Spends Most Of His Time Drinking And Masturbating.
Arthur's speech seemed to work better than he'd intended because by the time Friday rolled around Merlin was positively bouncing around the flat getting ready for his date. Arthur was glad to see that he'd had such an impact on Merlin because he really did feel bad about what he'd said, but because he was a terribly selfish bastard he half wished Merlin wasn't quite so eager.
He arrived home after work on Friday to find Leon watching the footy game on his couch, a stack of papers and half a dozen boxes of Chinese spread out on the coffee table.
"How the hell did you get here before me? We teach at the same school?"
"I swapped prep times with Phil and Morgs drove me from the office," Leon replied, half his attention on the assignments in front of him, the other half on the screen.
"I suppose you're here to help Merlin get ready for Donegal?"
"Go Johnny yeah, yes, yessss, GET IN THERE, f*ck YEAH," Leon jumped to his feet, upending the papers in his lap and the couch.
"Millwall's winning I take it?" Arthur commented drily, watching the sheets flutter to the ground around him.
"Hmm, yeah." Comprehension slowly dawned on his face as he took in the state of Arthur's living room. "f*ck it, they all get B's." He pushed the remaining papers to the ground and stretched out on the couch. "Oh I'm sorry, do you want a seat?"
"No, you just make yourself at right at home. Can I fetch you a drink while I'm up?" Arthur drawled.
"A lager would be great if you have any," Leon replied, already turning back to the match. Arthur shook his head and walked down the hall towards his room. He had just passed Merlin's door when he had to stop and back-up, peering inside.
It looked as though Merlin's closet had exploded. Its contents were draped over every surface which was impressive even for Merlin's slovenly level of normal. In the middle of it sat Merlin, wearing far too many scarves and a sparkly shirt normally reserved for clubbing, while Morgana styled his hair behind him.
"Any particular reason you felt the need to go with the sequined shirt? You do remember that New Year's was on Monday?"
Merlin whipped around and scrambled to his feet. "Arthur, thank god you're home! I need your help deciding what to wear."
"I think they revoke your membership to the gay club if you can't plan an outfit."
"Shut up, I don’t have time for your fake rules right now."
"That still doesn't explain the sequins."
"Morgana thought we'd better get a start on my hair while we waited for you and this was the only shirt I could guarantee I wasn't going to wear and could afford to get product on it, although, do you think maybe I should wear it? Make a statement and all?" Merlin babbled at top speed. Arthur looked past him to where Morgana was holding her product covered hands in the air and rolled her eyes.
"He's surprisingly difficult to manage when he's having a fit," she called over.
"I'm not having a fit," Merlin bit back. "This was your stupid idea in the first place."
Arthur sighed and grabbed hold of Merlin's shoulders. "Morgana, get out. Merlin, have a seat." He steered Merlin to the bed and forced him to sit.
"Good luck," Morgana muttered on her way out.
"Now Merlin," he leaned back against Merlin's wardrobe and crossed his arms. "Tell me all about this Darcy person."
"Daegal. And I don't really know anything about him beyond what was on the printout."
"Ok so he's roughly your age, has a mum who likes plants, what else?"
"He, I think it said something about him being in school and working part time at a theatre!"
Arthur's brain helpfully supplied so he's a classy mother f*cker but managed to vocalise, "alright, you're going to the Oyster House which is nice but not too nice. Donoghue is doing some kind of post-grad so he's probably just as skint as you are. Wear your purple jumper and your grey jeans. And lose the scarves, you need a proper winter one, not those rags you're always wearing. Just relax, you'll be fine," and sh*t, why was he helping Merlin prep for his date, this was not in the plan.
Merlin beamed at him and oh right, that's why. "Thanks Arthur, I don't know why I couldn't figure that out on my own!"
"Because you were obviously made to be ruled. You'd be completely lost without me here to order you around."
Merlin snorted. "That's doubtful. Now get out so I can change."
Arthur walked back into the living room and found that Leon had cleaned up the earlier carnage and was now sitting up properly on the couch, massaging Morgana's feet.
"I really feel for you sometimes Leon. She's got you disgustingly well trained," he said, dropping into an armchair.
"Ah, that's just because you don’t see the rewards I get in return."
Arthur made retching noises that were only a little exaggerated and Morgana cackled.
"So now that we've filled you in on ours, what are your plans for the night?" Morgana asked.
"I dunno. Get a jump start on marking, maybe go for a run?" He picked up Aithusa's feather toy and started swishing it absentmindedly. The kitten came charging into view down the hall and ran straight through Merlin's legs on her way to the toy.
"Wow Merlin, you look great!" Morgana sat up off the couch as Merlin entered the room properly.
Arthur was of course a little biased when it came to Merlin's appearance but thought Morgana should have gone with something that had a little more kick like 'fantastic'. Merlin normally just threw on the first thing he found that didn't smell or hadn't been worn twice already that week and maybe ran a comb through his hair. Under Morgana's ministrations, his hair was artfully styled, and he had followed Arthur's clothing instructions, even topping it off with a blazer Arthur hadn't seen him wear since his M.A. grad.
"Do you think the jacket's too much? I just thought the restaurant might be cold," he met Arthur's eyes and worked his bottom lip worriedly.
"You aren't entirely hideous tonight Merlin, I'll give you that," Arthur shrugged.
Merlin rolled his eyes. "Perfect. Thanks for your help Morgana," he smiled sweetly at her.
"You're welcome Merlin. Now come on, we'll drop you at the restaurant on our way home."
Merlin shot one more look at Arthur before allowing Morgana to usher him out the door.
"You look gorgeous," said Arthur half-heartedly to the empty flat. Aithusa, clearly fed up with his divided attention, flung herself bodily at his leg, claws digging in through his trousers.
"JESUS," he bellowed, shaking her off. "Now shoo, I need some alone time." She grabbed the toy in her mouth and dragged it into her bed to chew on it, eyes flicking judgmentally at Arthur.
Of course, what Arthur had really planned to do with his Merlin free evening was something better not discussed with his sister and future brother-in-law. He'd taken the conversation he'd had at Albion seriously and had decided to use all of Merlin's date nights as time to pamper himself. Because if Merlin was getting some Arthur may as well get some as well even though no, he was not going to jack off to the idea of Merlin having sex. That is crossing the line between innocent crush and sexual deviant too much for his taste.
Heading into his room, he stripped off his work clothes and put on a clean pair of pyjamas. Seven o'clock on a Friday night and he was ready to crawl in bed and whack off for the evening. What a wild card. He pulled back the covers and dragged his laptop up from the foot of the bed. Arthur spent so much of his time trying not to be turned on by Merlin (because despite living in close proximity to the man for the better part of a year his dick still hadn't gotten the message that it was never going to get near Merlin) which meant it always took him at least half an hour to even find a good video to wank to. He had to scroll past any actors with dark hair, blue eyes, or prominent cheekbones, and twinks were right out despite the fact that Merlin had filled out quite a bit in the last few years. The end result was usually a bulky brunette, although blonds and skinheads were also welcome. And if it took Arthur a little longer to finish because he wasn't looking at exactly his type at least his thoughts stayed away from Merlin. Mostly. At least ninety-eight percent of the time. But the other two percent of the time accounted for the outliers, aka when he was drunk and couldn't help it.
As he scrolled, he teased his co*ck with slow strokes in the hopes that he would find something soon. He couldn't remember exactly how long dinner dates lasted but it was preferable to be finished before Merlin came home. If he was coming home. And damn it, he really needed to forget about Merlin's date if he hoped to make any kind of progress tonight. Just as he found a video that would do the trick (blond Asians, who knew?) he heard the telltale click of keys in the lock. Frowning at the time, Arthur closed his computer, tucked himself back in, and ventured into the living room to see who it was.
He was greeted by the sight of Merlin pouring himself a beer and trying to shrug one arm out of his jacket.
"Merlin?" Arthur asked dumbly because of course it was Merlin. "What are you doing home so early? Did something happen?"
"Well for starters, his photo was doctored in some way. In real life he's only eighteen and looks about twelve," Merlin finally managed to get his arm out of his jacket and whipped it across the island at one of the armchairs. "Also he's allergic to seafood. Now do you want one of these before I sit down or would you prefer to stay sober for my meltdown?"
"I'll join you?"
"Excellent." Merlin grabbed another bottle from the fridge and plopped down on the couch. "Here, you can have the glass, I feel tonight is much more a bottle night for me."
Arthur sat down beside him and accepted the glass. "So I take it the date ended early because he couldn't eat anything?"
"Nope." Merlin took a long drink from the bottle and Arthur tried his best not to stare at the way Merlin's Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "The date ended early because the idiot was too busy trying to make up for the fact that he's eight years younger than me by explaining his 'five year plan', which includes starting uni by the way, to mention his allergy so he ordered the surf and turf platter thinking it would be safe." Merlin took another swig. "So of course the food comes and things have shifted on his plate and the steak was touching the fish but he ate it anyways and had a full on anaphylactic attack in the restaurant."
"Oh my god, is he alright?!" Arthur may not have been keen on Dunkirk but he didn't want him dead either.
"Yeah, he's fine now. The manager said it happened more often than you'd think. They even have a spot reserved for the EMTs out back. But the waiter had already given him the adrenaline shot by the time they got there so all they really had to do was load him on the stretcher and keep him under observation until his mum came and picked him up."
"His mum came?"
"Oh yes, didn't I mention he lives with her? She scolded him for sneaking out of the house and being an idiot about his allergy while he was on the gurney. Then she invited me round for tea at their house tomorrow afternoon so we could get acquainted with one another. I politely refused and she still insisted on driving me home." He brought the bottle to his lips for a third time and chugged the rest of it down. "Did I mention a camera crew showed up as well? It must have been a slow news day because they followed the ambulance to the restaurant and caught the whole thing on film."
Arthur held it together for as long as he could before bursting out into laugher.
"It's not funny Arthur, it was a disaster. An embarrassing, awkward, medical emergency filled disaster." Merlin glared at him.
"You're wrong Merlin," Arthur choked out through the laughter, "that is the funniest story I've heard all year."
"The year just started on Monday clotpole," Merlin muttered testily. "I'm getting another drink."
Arthur only laughed harder, sinking back into the couch, not caring that his beer was sloshing over the side of the glass onto his pyjama bottoms.
Merlin ignored him and started in on his second bottle. Arthur continued his laughing fit, only calming down when Merlin took his phone out of his pocket and swore.
"What is it?" Arthur gasped, wiping tears from his eyes.
"It's a message from Viv. 'hey merls herd ur d8 went poorly - did u c it made the news? - n e way here is ur next d8 xoxo viv and p'. Ugh, why is she typing like this, it's an email for f*cks sake." Merlin downed a good quarter of the bottle and Arthur took the opportunity to liberate Merlin's phone and open the attachment. He scanned through it quickly, fighting Merlin off with his other hand.
"Well," he said, finally getting to the bottom of the page, "at least this one's older."
"Oh god let me see." Arthur handed the phone back. "No, absolutely not."
"What he could be alright?"
"Arthur he's fifty-one."
"True love knows no bounds Merlin."
"That's revolting. He's old enough to be my grandfather."
"Hardly."
"Besides, can you imagine me bringing him home for holiday dinners? What would my mum and Gaius think?"
"I dunno, your mum might like him. He looks a little like Richard Gere." Arthur was having way too much fun with this. "Granted, not Richard Gere in 'An Officer and A Gentleman' but still, if you squint it's there."
"Absolutely not. Ugh, his name is Agravaine? Even his name sounds awful. God, why would they even pick him?"
"It said he's a professor of English literature. Maybe they thought you two would hit it off academically?"
"No, no chance in hell." Merlin downed the rest of the bottle.
"Well you have to go, you did shake on it. And Morgana is downright scary if you cross her," Arthur said gleefully.
"Oh, I'll go alright," Merlin whirled to face him. "But you're texting me twenty minutes in with an emergency and then we're going out for dinner instead. Deal? Deal."
"If I must I must," sighed Arthur dramatically. "But do tell anyone who asks that I was against this plan and argued on the side of love. Poor old Agravaine." Merlin smothered him with a pillow.
The next week flew by for Arthur. He told the few group members he saw during the week that he was just happy classes were back underway, but of course in reality he was excited for Merlin's upcoming date with Agravaine. Merlin refused Vivian's offer of help to get dressed for the occasion and barely grunted a goodbye at Arthur before heading out. Arthur got a text approximately twenty minutes after Merlin had left.
"Oh god this is worse than I thought it would be. Pull me out now"
Arthur grinned at his phone as he typed his response. "Are you sure? The course of true love never runs smooth"
"He's quoted that at me already. Not f*cking joking"
"AHAHAHA"
"Arthur I swear to god, if I don't get a call from you in the next thirty seconds I will turn aithusa loose on your postcard collection"
"You wouldn't dare"
"I'm counting"
He waited a good ten seconds before he placed the call.
"Oh well done, he's just gone into the loo," Merlin snapped in way of greeting.
"Hello to you too. I do believe I stayed within your requirements of thirty seconds."
"Yes well now you get to stay on the line with me until he comes back."
"Mmm I don’t know about that, I was kind of thinking I'd go for a run while I waited for you to finish up."
"Not a chance. You stay on the line, end of discussion."
"My god you're bossy today."
"Yes, well I get that way sometimes when people don't co-operate with the plan."
"Hey, I still had ten minutes before I was supposed to place the original call. I could have gone for a jog."
"A jog for ants maybe."
"What does that even mean?"
"I don't know, but he's coming back to the table, hold on." There was a pause and then, "oh yes, yes I see."
A muffled voice rumbled, "everything tickity boo?" and Arthur had to stuff his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing.
"No, I'm afraid my flat mate is having car troubles and is stuck across town, if you'd excuse me I must go and assist him."
"Would you like me to come? I'm not so much of egghead that I can't jumpstart an engine when needed."
"No really, it's quite alright. Thank you for tonight, even if we were cut a little short. I'll email you if I find myself with another free evening." Merlin had evidently uncovered the mouthpiece as Arthur heard his next words loud and clear. "What intersection are you at again? Romford and what?"
"Romford and Barking I think," Arthur replied.
"Don't get clever, I'm almost out. Annnd made it. Oh god, I can breathe again," Merlin sighed.
"I'm extremely glad to hear that. I wouldn't want to think you suffered any discomfort because of my dallying," Arthur drawled in his best posh voice.
"Oh shut up. You know he's a lit professor. I just slip into that speech pattern when I'm talking to academics."
"No need to explain my fine fellow. Now pray tell, when should I expect your arrival for our dinner jaunt?"
"I'll be home in five you prat. And you're buying."
They were deep into their cups and celebrating getting Merlin out of another awful date when Merlin's mobile rang through a blocked number.
"Hello?"
"Hello Merlin, it's Morgana."
Merlin's eyes widened and he mouthed 'sh*t' at Arthur across the table.
"Hey Morgs, since when is your number blocked?"
"Since I blocked it for this call in case you didn't pick up. Where are you right now?"
"On a date." Arthur choked on his drink and Merlin leaned over to thump him on the back.
"Awfully rude to answer a call during a date, wouldn't you say?"
"Yes, well he's just in the loo right now and the mystery surrounding your identity intrigued me. What are you calling for?" Merlin was clearly aiming for a casual tone but failing miserably.
"May I speak to Agravaine?"
"Well, like I said he's in the loo and might be a while. You know how these old blokes are, one bite of fibre and they're gone for the night."
"Mmm right. Well unless he fell in do you have any reason why he might be emailing you from the toilet?"
"Emailing you say?"
"Yes." Arthur could practically see the predatory smile on her face. "Your profile email is linked to mine you see, so every time you get a message there it's handily forwarded on to me. You just got a message from Agravaine saying he hopes your flat mate's car got a boost and how he'd love to reschedule your date for sometime next week."
"f*ck."
"f*ck indeed. Cut the crap Emrys, where are you right now." Arthur shook his head violently and tried to convey the fact that he didn't want his name mentioned in the conversation.
"At the Rising Sun with your brother," Merlin answered obediently. Arthur mimed strangling him.
"I thought as much. Why did you bail on Agravaine?"
"Because he was ancient? Did you lot even bother filtering these or did you just throw darts at the pages and see which ones hit the targets? I swear to god Morgana it's like you want these to fail."
"Of course we screened them. I grant you that Agravaine might have been a tad old for you but Percy was quite convinced you two would hit it off over, and I quote, 'that academic crap'."
"Remind me to have a conversation with Percy over what it is I do," said Merlin darkly.
"Look, the point is that people have good dates and they have bad dates. So what if Agravaine isn't your soul mate, that's why we've got seven different bachelors lined up for you! Promise me you'll see the next date through to completion."
"I make no promises to sleep with the next one, especially if it's another old geezer."
"You know what I mean," Morgana snapped irritably.
"Fine. I'll at least stay til dessert with the next one. Who is it anyways?"
"Oh no, I'm not going to enable you any further. From now on you'll be getting the print-outs the morning of. Expect an email from Gwen and Lance Friday morning. And Arthur? I know you can hear me so listen closely: butt out. If I hear that you've interfered on one more of Merlin's dates I swear I will print out that picture of you from the summer you grew your hair out and post it around your school." She hung up abruptly and Merlin turned to look at Arthur.
"Well that went better than expected."
"Surprisingly yes."
The next week crept by at a punishingly slow pace for Arthur until Wednesday when everything seemed to jump to light speed and fly towards Friday, no matter how much he tried to bend time to his will. Merlin was definitely less enthusiastic about his third date which was good for Arthur, but he was still trying to put on a show for their friends which made Arthur feel indignant on his behalf.
"I wish they'd give up on this stupid dating business," said Arthur as he knotted Merlin's tie, "clearly it isn't working."
"They're just trying to help. Besides, I've only got four more after tonight and then I can go back to my usual lonely bachelor status."
"I don’t see how you can possibly be lonely when you've got me," Arthur joked, stepping back to admire his work.
"Of course not. I'd say don't wait up but chances are I'll be back before ten."
"Good luck, I hope this one works out," Arthur replied, not meaning a word of it. He waited until nine before he clicked his way to p*rn hub, but there'd been no texts from Merlin so Arthur decided to risk it. He managed to get in a brief and fairly unsatisfying wank before he heard the latch turning and Merlin's footsteps in the foyer. He quickly wiped himself down and went out to meet him.
"How'd this one go? Find the love of your life," and oh please god no.
"Hardly. You remember the vaguely androgynous name of this one? Turns out Sefa is really bad at using the internet and mistakenly sorted herself into the men seeking men section. I had to spend the first thirty minutes convincing her she didn't turn me gay." Merlin flopped down on the couch and threw an arm over his face. "The rest of the night didn't go much better. Apparently dating gay blokes by accident is an unfortunate habit of hers. She even asked to see me again at the end of the night."
"What did you say?"
"I gave her Daegal's email and told her to have fun." There was a moment of silence before the pair of them burst out laughing.
"You are a vicious, vicious man sometimes Emrys," said Arthur as walked into the kitchen.
"Hey, at least I spent the whole evening with her. Even after she asked if she could be my hag."
"Oh god."
"Yup. Gwen and Lance really could have done a better job at this one. I read over her profile again and it's really obvious that she's a girl. Her interests read like the back of a damn harlequin rag."
"Maybe they thought she was just a really swishy bloke." He sat down, passing Merlin a beer.
"Yes, because that screams my type."
"To be fair you've never really brought any blokes around before, swishy or not. What is your type?" Arthur watched as Merlin took a substantial drink from his bottle and raised his eyebrows.
"Well having a dick is a nice start, but I guess not all together necessary." Arthur rolled his eyes. "But you know, fit, nice hair, pleasing facial features, the usual specs."
"How very descriptive of you. I don't know how anyone could not know who your ideal man is from that description."
"Fine, I'd also prefer someone who takes a little work. I don't want someone who's going to give me everything on a silver platter. I want someone who will challenge me on things. Someone who will make me re-evaluate the world and the opinions I've always held. I want someone who will need me as much as I need him. Someone I can build a life together with. It also wouldn't hurt if they have some kind of overbearing personality quirk, because let's face it I like to make things difficult for myself." Merlin gave him an unreadable look that made Arthur squirm.
"You're not asking for much then are you?" he punched him on the shoulder.
"Not a whole lot no. It'd also help if they don't cotton on that I fancy them for a while because I like a challenge."
"Well good luck finding all that through internet dates. I'm pretty sure the idea behind them is there's some attraction before you meet the person."
Merlin just blinked at him. "I'm going to bed," he said finally. "Wake me up for brunch?"
"Will do," Arthur sighed and flicked on the television, content in the knowledge that Merlin was still single for at least seven more days.
Much to Arthur's delight, Merlin managed to find flaws in his next two dates as well. Beyond having a stupid name, Gilli was a bit thick, 'he asked if the mozzarella sticks had cheese in them', and George was the dullest person he had ever met, 'seriously Arthur, he's a classical cellist and he spent most of the evening telling jokes like 'what's the range of a tuba? Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.' No wonder Soph switched programmes!'
As January charged towards February and the number of Merlin's dates dwindled to two, Arthur felt increasingly hopeful that his heart would make it out of the whole fiasco intact. Although he seemed to be developing an unfortunate negative correlation in regards to how much enjoyment he got out of wanking and how many dates Merlin had left. As the weeks progressed, Arthur found it difficult to finish in time before Merlin came home, despite the fact he was honouring his promise to Morgana and staying an appropriate amount of time. His brain kept coming up with helpful explanations for this phenomenon like 'you want Merlin to walk in on you' and 'even if these dates don't work he's going to find someone eventually' so he did what he always did and buried any and all toxic feelings deep down.
His spirit was bolstered once more by Merlin's early return from his sixth date.
"Aren't you worried about ending up in Morgana's bad books?" Arthur asked looking up from his sprawl on the couch.
Merlin crossed the floor, pulling off his jacket as he did, and pushed Arthur legs off the couch. "Nope, she actually dismissed me early herself. The date was at the Sun tonight which I picked specifically because I knew Gwaine would be tending tonight. Anyways, I get there and find Morgana and Morgause at the bar and lord if that isn't a terrifying scene to walk into. But Gwaine, the bastard, had told Morgause of the location change and she and Morgana came along to act as chaperones and make sure I didn't spend the whole night talking to Gwaine."
"Do get on with it Merlin, my Fridays do revolve around more than just your love life you know," Arthur lied flawlessly, shoving his feet into Merlin's lap.
"Anyways," Merlin glared at him. "The date wasn't going too poorly. I mean Cedric was too skinny and rat-faced for my liking but he was ok to talk to. But just before our appetisers came he pushed his cutlery on the floor and asked for a new pair. Then he winks at me, bends under the table, wraps his first pair up into a napkin, and sticks it in his coat pocket. Like, I get it if we were maybe at a nicer restaurant but this is the Sun we're talking about, and Gwaine stocks the place with cutlery he's nicked from our flats so it's not exactly fine dining wear. I thought at first it might have been a set from Viv's place but he kept slipping things into his pockets and I might have lost it on him a little when he tried to pull my mobile out of my pocket when I went to the loo."
"You got in a fight?" Arthur sat up, impressed, and checked Merlin over for bruising or other signs of a scuffle.
"Nah. Morgause did, obviously. She hauled him out onto the street, pulled the stolen sh*t out of his coat and then beat the ever living hell out of him while we waited for the police."
"Do you think you'll make the news again?" Arthur asked, already flipping channels.
Merlin groaned. "Probably, the way my luck's been going."
They only had to wait ten minutes to get passed the international stories before the local news came on. Sure enough, Merlin and Morgana's faces came on the screen first before the camera panned to Morgause crouching on top of a whimpering Cedric. Merlin may have exaggerated just how much damage was done to Cedric, but his nose was visibly broken and he hobbled into the back of the cop car. As the reporter wrapped up the story on the professional judo champion turned vigilante, Gwaine was just visible in the background, lifting Morgause's hand in the air and yelling 'that's my girl'.
"Well that's another one for the record books. I can't wait to see if next week's trumps this," said Arthur mildly.
"sh*t, I've just realised, next week is Valentine's Day," said Merlin, horrified.
"So?"
"So I can't go out with someone I've never met before on Valentine's Day! It's a night for couples! Am I supposed to buy him flowers? Some ridiculous stuffed animal?"
"Merlin, calm down, it's not a big deal."
"Says you, have you ever even had a Valentine before?"
"No, but I fail to see what that has to do with anything."
"You don't understand then Arthur." Merlin flailed his hands around. "It's too much pressure to go out for dinner on Valentine's. You've got all these couples around you sickeningly in love and you feel like you're supposed to be acting the same way. It's horrifying."
"Alright, so why don't you make it a lunch date instead? That way you get it over with early before all the couples come out of hibernation."
"Arthur," Merlin gawped at him, "that's brilliant!"
"Don't sound so surprised Merlin, I do know one or two things about love and that nonsense," Arthur rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the television.
"Mmm, you could have fooled me."
Arthur threw a pillow at him.
Part 6: I Think You Can All Guess What's Coming.
Beyond dreading Merlin's final date on the most emotionally charged day of the year, Arthur had never been a fan of Valentine's Day. It meant making sure his year fives had brought enough cookies and candy for the entire class (yes Marko, I know girls are icky, but you can't just share with your friends) and patrolling the halls extra diligently to make sure his year sevens weren't shacking up in broom closets. All in all, it was a very stressful day already without waiting for news from Merlin via text. His patience was rewarded by a call from Merlin during his afternoon prep period.
"So how was the farce? Am I going to have the distinct pleasure of seeing your bony face on the eleven o'clock news for the third time?"
"Um, actually it was kind of nice." Arthur's heart sped up and he forgot how to breathe momentarily. Merlin's voice jumpstarted his lungs again. "Arthur?"
"Yeah, sorry. A student just gave me a card and I missed all that. Come again?"
"I said it was kind of nice? Tyr was easy to talk to and he's a total sweetheart. He seemed pretty keen on me too so I dunno, I might see him again."
"Remind me to send Will a fruit basket on his excellent choice of suitor. Shall I clear my calendar for a June wedding then?" Arthur asked with just a hint of bitterness in his voice.
"Don't get nasty," Merlin replied, and alright, maybe there was a lot of bitterness. "It's one date and we talked about books and things, nothing of any real substance. There might be something there, there might not. Don't go renting out my room just yet," Merlin laughed.
"Wouldn't dream of it," Arthur grumbled. "Look my break's almost up and I've got to go. You can tell me the rest over dinner, yeah?" though his brain was furiously trying to block out the last thirty seconds of conversation already.
"Sorry, but a bunch of us from the department are going out tonight, Mordred, Cara, the lot really. Sort of a lonely hearts dinner to make up for the fact that we're all pathetically single. You can come if you like!" he added as an afterthought.
"What, spend Valentine's Day with a bunch of environmental historians? No thank you, I might drown in tears of boredom. I'll ring Lance and see if he wants to do something."
"Not all of them are environmen-, anyways good luck getting Lance away from Gwen today of all days. They're probably already off on some disgustingly romantic adventure. I might see you when I get in, if not wake me for brunch. We'll see if we can get a discount on all the leftover couples meals they'll have. See you!"
He hung up leaving Arthur slumped in his chair feeling like his skin was three sizes too big for him. He must have sat there for a good while because Leon eventually wheeled over and had to wave his hand in front of Arthur's face to get him to respond.
"Arthur? ARTHUR? Are you alright?" Leon asked, concerned.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" he replied dazedly.
"I don't know, but you look like someone just died. Like, a fire and brimstone type death," he added when Arthur didn't respond.
"No, I think I just ate something off at lunch, my stomach is acting up a little," and hey, only half of that was a lie.
"Well cheer up, only one more period to go. Then we're free from the pre-pubescent cess pool for two glorious days! What are the chances you think their hormones will have quieted down by Monday?"
"Probably close to none. They'll all be going on dates tonight that will all result in dating for the space of twenty-four hours before one of them cheats or dumps the other." He rubbed a hand over his face.
"Well I'm glad one of us still has faith in humanity, I figured they'd all just get knocked up tonight," Leon grinned and rolled back to his desk.
Arthur somehow made it through the rest of his day acting relatively normal. He didn't get much teaching done that afternoon but it was only science and who really needs to know all the different types of clouds anyways? When has that information ever been useful to the average year six student? After work he picked a random direction and started walking, unwilling to go back to his empty flat. He didn't realise how far he'd walked until someone started banging on the shop window beside him and he looked up to see Vivian waving at him from inside her studio. Vivian definitely wasn't his first choice for company but it was a testament to how sh*tty Arthur was feeling that he pushed the door open and went inside.
"I didn't expect to see you today!" Vivian squealed, descending on him and kissing him on each cheek.
"Nor did I. I figured Percy would have swept you off your feet already," he lied.
Vivian's smile dimmed a little. "He has an away game this weekend and they've already left. He had flowers delivered this morning though, aren't they gorgeous?" she brandished the vase under his nose and inhaled deeply.
"Lovely," he replied.
Either his mask was slipping or Vivian was far more perceptive than he'd thought because put the vase down and narrowed her eyes. "Arthur Pendragon, what on earth is the matter with you?"
"Nothing," and he was definitely slipping because Vivian crossed her arms and took a step forward, oddly menacing for her small stature. "Fine," he conceited. "Merlin rang to let me know how super his seventh date went and now he's gone out for dinner with his doctoral friends and I guess I'm just feeling a jealous of his booming social life."
"Are you sure you're not just mad because you've spent the last nine or so years pinning over him and he might have finally found someone he could be serious with?"
Arthur blinked at her. "I'm sorry, what?" he asked, not fully processing what was happening.
"Don't try to play dumb Arthur, I see how you look at him. Anyone with eyes can. Well, anyone except Merlin apparently," she scoffed. "But I guess to him that's just your normal look."
"I- WHAT?" his brain finally caught up to what she was saying.
"Oh Arthur," she patted his cheek fondly, "did you really think we didn't know?"
"Yes?!" he yelled, his reality collapsing around him. "How did you figure it out? I was being so careful."
"If that's you being careful, I'd hate to see the last decade of you being obvious about it."
"Oh god, oh god." He ran a hand through his hair. "Do you think Merlin knows?"
"Merlin, fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, seems to be wonderfully oblivious to the fact that you want to bend him over the couch and have your wicked way with him."
"Ugh, why didn't anyone tell me this before? I could have tipped him off!"
"That's exactly what we were hoping would happen you dolt!" she threw her hands up in the air. "Why else to you think we set up this whole mad dating scheme? It's been nine bloody years Arthur, time to let Merlin in on the secret!"
"Don't you think I've thought about that?" he began to pace, nine years worth of carefully buried feelings coming out all at once. "I can't risk it Viv. He's my best mate and I can't bear to lose him over something as stupid as a crush."
"Stop lying to yourself Arthur! This isn't just a crush anymore, and listening to your feelings is never stupid!"
"It is when I'm liable to say something like 'you complete me' or some other god awful thing like that." He stopped pacing and slumped against the workbench. "It's gotten too big now Viv, there's no way out of this."
Her frown melted a little and she ran a hand over his rumbled hair. "Arthur, do you remember all those years ago when Percival and I got together?"
He snorted. "You mean when you propositioned him over the dinner table and he agreed to it?"
"Yes, that's the time. Do you remember what I texted you after I left?" Arthur racked his brain but came up with nothing. "I wrote you 'see how easy that is?' The truth is, I'd had a bit of a crush on Percival for a while, but every time he seemed close to making a move, he'd never follow through on it. So that night after subtly trying to convince you for the umpteenth time that you and Merlin were made for each other, and that he sneaks looks just as frequently at you as you do at him, I decided to practise what I was preaching and just went for it. If Percival had of said no I would have been crushed, but it still would have better than living in the ridiculous limbo you and Merlin are in now. Just ask him for Christ's sake, it's that easy!" she gave his shoulders an exasperated shake.
"God, I must be having a time of it because for the first time since I've known you you're actually making sense," he realised, suddenly horrified. "Oh god, why did we not have this conversation sooner?"
Vivian beamed at him. "Better late than never. Now go tell that oblivious idiot how you feel about him and get on with your life!"
"I can't, he'll be heading out with his school mates now and the last thing I want to do is cause him yet another scene at a restaurant. I'll wait 'til he gets home. Actually," he co*cked his head, regarding her, "do you maybe want to grab a bite of something?"
She clutched her chest in mock surprise. "Do you know, I think that's the first time you've ever voluntarily suggested we spend time alone together? There's change in the wind all around!"
"Har har. Seriously though, you've given me a surprising amount to think about and I'd hate to think of you spending Valentine's Day alone."
"That's very chivalrous of you Arthur but I'm quite alright. I think I'm going to pamper myself with a spa night. Percival and I can go out to dinner some other time."
"I'll see you then. And Viv? Thank you." She waved him out of the studio and he left with a spring in his step, feeling like the first time in years something might actually happen. He practically sprinted to the tube station and kept his buzz going all the way home. He knew he was being a little ridiculous because he still hadn't even talked to Merlin yet, let alone gotten a confirmation that yes Merlin was interested in dinner and sex and possibly marriage, but these pesky little thoughts couldn’t kill his good mood. For the first time in recent memory he felt blissfully happy, and it didn't come from the same sick place he got enjoyment out of Merlin's bad dates from.
He gave Aithusa a quick pat before he jumped into the shower, belting out songs usually reserved for his 'pump up' playlist for days he did weight training with Percy and Lance. By the time he towelled off and picked out an outfit for his big reveal it was only six thirty and he suddenly found himself with nothing to do. He practically skipped out to the kitchen and spent ten minutes wiping down the counters and set the oven to a self-clean cycle but then found himself at a loss again. Looking around, the flat was practically immaculate. Ideally, it would be less pristine once Merlin got home and they had their talk. Although, there's an idea…
Arthur's co*ck twitched with interest, finally being allowed to think about Merlin in the way he been fighting against for the better part of a decade. It couldn't hurt to do a little prep work. He went back in to his bedroom and stripped, as coming all over his 'reveal' clothes might skew the seriousness of the moment. He fished his lube out of his drawer and eyed it for a moment, weighing his options.
The truth was that Arthur was very much a bottom when it came to sex, but he rarely got to enjoy that luxury. There were a couple of boys in the pre-Merlin era that Arthur had felt comfortable enough with to do that, but in the uni years the only time he had bottomed was when he was too spectacularly drunk to care. Because as much as Arthur loved to bottom, he had to feel a connection to them to really be comfortable doing it, as horribly sappy as that was. The act of giving control of his body over to another person got him off like no other, but only if there was emotional intimacy attached to it. The mornings after the drunk occasions he had always woken up feeling cheap and incredibly angry at himself. No matter how many times he tried to convince himself it was just sex, he always felt like he was giving a bit of himself away that he could never get back, so he just kind of stopped. Then of course Merlin had started these stupid dates and wanking had become stressful and Arthur couldn't remember the last time he'd even fingered himself and resolved to change that immediately. As Vivian had said: tonight was a night for pampering.
He lay down on the bed and cracked the top on the lube. He stroked his co*ck a few times to peak its interest and squirted a dollop of lube into his hand, coating this fingers. He settled back and found a bit of a rhythm with his right hand while he slowly teased at his hole with his left. Gently pushing one finger in up to the first knuckle he took a moment to enjoy the utter rightness of it and oh god, he'd missed his. Pushing carefully, he slid his finger as far as it could go and gave it a few thrusts. His co*ck twitched and he shuddered, revelling in the sensation. He kept thrusting and twisting his finger at a leisurely pace until a single finger wasn't doing it for him anymore and he added a second. He ran his hand over his co*ck, teasing at the head and pulling on the shaft with long, firm strokes. He was prepping to add the third finger when the door crashed open and he heard Merlin shout his name in a slightly hysterical voice.
Panicking that something had gone horribly wrong, he extracted his fingers as quickly as possible and ran into the living room, skidding to a halt behind the couch.
"What is it? Did I set the stove too high, is the flat on fire, did you get mugged?" he spun in a circle, looking for signs of destruction.
"No, nothing like that," Merlin had his back to him and was angrily throwing his winter clothes into the closet, "just that idiot Mordred. The man is a complete tosser! He pretended the whole department was getting together for dinner but when I got there it was a table for two with candles and the whole shebang, and he gave me a card that read 'be my valentine' on the front." Arthur's adrenaline subsided a bit but the realisation that he was stark naked and dripping with lube came crashing down on him and his blood pressure spiked again. Merlin continued, grappling with his scarf which had somehow gotten stuck down the back of his shirt. "Honestly, who asks someone out or confesses their love on Valentine's Day? At least wait until the fifteenth so you can go on living out your fantasy that your crush might actually like you!" He whirled around and a huff and finally caught sight of Arthur, naked and frozen to the spot, his eyes going comically wide.
"You're naked," he said finally. "Why are you naked?"
"You came in screaming and I thought you were in trouble so I just sort of ran out here." He dipped his knees a little and hid himself more effectively behind the couch, grabbing a couple of the girl's throw pillows and pressing them to his groin.
"And you were what, showering before I got in?" Merlin seemed to be having a hard time breathing and damn that it didn't bode well for Arthur's feelings revelation if Merlin couldn't even stand the sight of him naked.
"Cloooose," Arthur dragged out the word for as long as he could. "I was, ah, polishing the family jewels so to speak."
"Oh my god," Merlin whispered hoarsely.
And yeah, that was possibly the worst feeling in the world, to be trapped naked in his own living room with Merlin repulsed by the idea of Arthur touching himself. He retraced every bad thought he had ever directed at Gwen and Lance for their coupling because this was clearly the moment he had hit rock bottom, and he would give anything to just go back in time and never have that stupid conversation with Vivian because all kinds of feelings were welling up now and he needed to escape before things got any worse.
"Right, so I'm going to go get dressed and then possibly go get drunk somewhere and try to forget this ever happened. But we can talk about Mordred later if you want, odious little tick that he is," Arthur slowly started sidestepping towards the hall, trying to hold his pillows in place.
Merlin followed his progress with his eyes until Arthur reached the dividing line between the living room and the hall and he stalked forward. "I agree," he said, a little breathless, "talking later would be a good thing. But right now I just need you to shut up and stand still."
Arthur had approximately two seconds to puzzle through what Merlin had said before Merlin was backing him up against the wall and kissing the life out of him. Arthur froze momentarily before something wonderful in his brain clicked and let out a 'yesssssss f*cking finally' and he started kissing back. Merlin's mouth was gloriously wet and he was breathing in little pants like this was maybe something he really wanted and Arthur kissed back just as furiously, dropping his pillows as he reached up to grab Merlin's face.
"Can't tell you…how long…I've waited for this…you stupid prat," Merlin mouthed against his neck, perforating his speech by sucking marks down Arthur's throat.
"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" he gasped as Merlin's mouth found its way to his nipple and he swirled his tongue around it.
"Didn't think you liked me like that." Arthur grabbed him by the back of the neck and hauled him up for another kiss. "You're always teasing and bullying me."
Arthur pulled back and felt a ridiculously strong pang of something course through his chest. "In case you haven't noticed Merlin, teasing and bullying is my version of foreplay." He took advantage of Merlin's distraction to nibble on his earlobe, licking around the shell.
"Oh god," Merlin moaned. "You've been keen on me for a while then." Arthur hummed in agreement but kept his mouth attached to Merlin's ear. "We'd better make up for lost time then." Merlin pulled his head away only to dive back in and re-attach their mouths, thrusting his tongue between Arthur's lips.
Arthur responded in kind and started working on the button of Merlin's trousers. "So how long?" he asked, pulling his mouth away to concentrate.
"Hmm?"
"You said you 'couldn't tell me' how long you've wanted to do this. Last time I checked you were perfectly capable of speech Merlin." He finally got the button undone and teased his fingers under the elastic band of Merlin's boxers.
"f*ck," Merlin choked out. "Put that mouth of yours to use and I might be willing to tell you."
Arthur gave him a wicked grin before pushing him up against the wall and sinking down on his knees, nuzzling at Merlin's crotch through the cotton of his pants. He mouthed along the outline of Merlin's co*ck, already a solid mass, straining to straighten up. He pulled down Merlin's pants, freeing his co*ck, and in one swift motion caught it in his mouth and sunk down on it.
"Jesus," Merlin breathed. "Where'd you learn to do that. Never mind, I don't want to know, it'll just make me jealous." Arthur said nothing in reply, revelling on the fact that his mouth was wrapped around Merlin's co*ck. His jaw was already beginning to ache from the stretch and he could taste pre-come on the tip, and f*ck if that combination wasn't enough to make him want to come already. He resisted the urge to stroke himself and instead looked expectantly up at Merlin.
Merlin looked back down at him, a little in awe and a little confused. "What?"
Arthur pulled off but kept his face near Merlin's co*ck. "I'm waiting for you to tell me how long." He smiled innocently and licked along the underside of the shaft.
"How, how do I even find you attractive when you are this annoying all the bloody time?" Merlin groaned and grabbed hold of his co*ck, pushing it back towards Arthur's mouth, running it along his lower lip. Arthur opened his mouth obligingly and Merlin thrust inside. Arthur gagged a little and raised his eyebrows but Merlin just smirked down at him.
"It's been a long time," he started. Arthur rewarded his statement with a few bobs of his head, sinking lower with each thrust. "A very long time," he amended, his fingers curling in Arthur's hair. "Since before I came out, probably even before we graduated. It just took me a while to figure out what I was feeling," Merlin groaned as Arthur managed to take in all but the last inch. "f*ck stop, I'm going to come too soon and I want to savour this." Arthur grumbled but Merlin tugged on his hair gently until he slid off. He gave the head one final lick, causing Merlin's legs to shake, before standing up and pushing Merlin towards his bedroom.
"I hate to kill the mood, but when was the last time you had sex with anyone else?"
"God, I don't even know. A year maybe?" Merlin stepped out of his pants.
"And you've been checked since then? No problems or anything?"
"A clean bill of health."
"Excellent, we won't need condoms then." Arthur pushed Merlin down onto the bed and climbed on top of him, pressing him down into the mattress. Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck and pulled him down, kissing him frantically.
"What about you then?" he asked suddenly.
"What about me what?" Arthur bent down to suck on Merlin's collarbone when he suddenly found himself flipped onto his back, Merlin straddling him, pulling his jumper off over his head.
"How long have you fancied me?" Merlin licked his lips and Arthur couldn't help but thrust up against his thigh.
"I can't give you the exact date, but sometime around our first Halloween pub crawl." Merlin's hand on his chest stopped his thrusting.
"Arthur, we were eighteen."
"Yeah?"
"f*ck," Merlin's pupils were huge against the blue of his eye. "I thought I had it bad." He dove back in for another kiss and started grinding his crotch against Arthur's. The angle was slightly off and there was too much friction but Arthur was beyond caring at finally having Merlin's naked body pressed against his. Merlin's thrusting picked up speed and became more erratic until Arthur could feel his org*sm building.
"Not that this isn't lovely, but unless you lube up and get inside me right now, I'm not going to last much longer."
Merlin jerked upright. "You want me to-, I always thought you'd-, f*ck yeah alright."
"It should be up by the pillows somewhere still, unless you've managed to-"
"Found it."
Arthur watched, mesmerised as Merlin worked quickly to slick up his co*ck, trying to burn the image of it into his brain.
"sh*t are you, should I prep you first or do you want t-"
"Already taken care of."
"What?"
"Remember what I was doing when you came in?"
Merlin collapsed back down onto Arthur and groaned into his shoulder. "f*ck Arthur, are you trying to kill me? How are you fulfilling all my wank fantasies at once?"
"Because I'm perfect. Now get in me already." For once in his life, Merlin complied without any backchat. A little too efficiently it turned out as Arthur had tightened up slightly during their hallway session. He winced as Merlin pushed in.
"Sorry, I'll go slower."
"No it's fine, just go fast."
Merlin of course ignored him, pushing slowly inch by inch and letting Arthur relax around his girth. By the time he pushed all the way in Arthur was practically begging for it.
"I swear to god Merlin, move!"
Merlin began thrusting, slowly at first but picking up the pace rapidly, adding an occasional roll of his hips. Arthur moaned shamelessly, head thrown back, Merlin pressing open-mouthed kisses to his neck. Arthur began grinding back in tandem to Merlin's rhythm, eliciting breathy pants and groans from Merlin.
"sh*t Arthur, I'm not going to last," Merlin's voice had a slightly wild edge to it.
"S'ok, just, hands," Arthur muttered incoherently. Coherency was clearly not needed for the situation though, as Merlin grabbed hold of Arthur's co*ck and began stroking it in time to his thrusts. Arthur lasted about ten seconds longer before he came with a string of profanities, shooting all over their torsos. His muscles clenched around Merlin's co*ck and Merlin followed him over the edge, gasping Arthur's name into his neck.
They lay together in a sweaty heap, panting for a few minutes before Merlin's softening co*ck and the sticky mess on their chests became too much to ignore. Merlin slid out slowly, and Arthur whined, immediately missing the fullness. Merlin smiled at him and stroked his hair, so Arthur grabbed a corner of his sheet and wiped them both down to reclaim some of his masculinity before tugging Merlin back down beside him, their arms and legs tangled together.
"Well that was, f*ck," said Merlin succinctly.
"Yeah…yeah," Arthur agreed. They lay in silence, Arthur trying to reconcile the fact that this was reality and not a particularly vivid dream, until Merlin rolled over and threw an arm across his chest.
"So were you ever going to tell me about your feelings, or was tonight a happy accident?" Merlin teased.
"I actually was going to tell you tonight," Arthur conceded. "I heard a surprisingly inspiring speech from Vivian of all people and I was all set to tell you after your work party. Things just, escalated a little faster than expected."
"Good god. Well, I guess we owe Vivian a fruit basket." Merlin grew sombre. "That is, unless you just want to keep this casual or about the sex. Or nothing at all, we can just pretend it never happened if you prefer. I didn't come home planning on jumping you, I swear. Mordred's proposition through me for a loop and you were just there and all perfect and naked and I'm sorry if I've made things awkward now."
Arthur stared at him in disbelief. "You know, it's a bloody miracle we even got together tonight? We should send Mordred a fruit basket as well." Merlin blinked at him, clearly not understanding. "Merlin," Arthur rolled over and propped himself up over top of him. "I've waited nine bloody years to get you between the sheets, and now that I've got you I'm never letting go. So you can ring that damn Tyr Seward up and tell him too bad, so sad it's over. You. Are. Mine." He growled out the last three words and watched as Merlin's face lit up in the biggest grin he'd ever seen.
So maybe it's finally time to amend his list a little. Arthur Pendragon is still many things. He's still heir to the Pendragon fortune and he still thinks he had a shot playing for England. The best dressed lists haven't come out yet this year, but chances are he'll be on them. He has started untangling his web of lies and feelings which is a big step for him, but above all else, he has one important addition to the list. Arthur Pendragon is now, and always will be, Merlin's.
Part 7: Because Every Story Needs An Epilogue.
Instead of their usual Saturday morning brunch, Arthur and Merlin opted for spending the morning in bed, sampling from a different kind of menu. By late afternoon Arthur figured they should at least get cleaned up and find something to eat, which led to their first round of shower sex and meant they didn't get dressed properly until it was time for dinner. After sending out a flurry of texts, they managed to get most of the group assembled in record time. Even Percy managed to make it, his game having been rained out and the team coming back early. The only two missing were Gwen and Lance who promised they'd take a cab over as soon as their bus got in, Merlin's suspicions being right in that they had gone on a hideously romantic adventure for Valentine's Day.
It was with great rejoicing that Arthur entered the restaurant hand in hand with Merlin. Gwaine took one look at the pair of them and burst out laughing, causing the rest of the group to put two and two together and they all broke out in a cacophony of whistles, cheers, and cat-calls. Arthur pretended to be annoyed by the spectacle they were making but he refused to let go of Merlin's hand until their food came, even then keeping a hand on his knee or a foot hooked around his ankle. Arthur hoped Merlin was fine with his octopus routine because he didn't see getting sick of touching Merlin anytime soon, but Merlin just beamed at him and Arthur's heart gave a little flutter when he did.
Morgana of course, teased them mercilessly, or well, teased Arthur mercilessly for being such a stickler about the rest of them pairing off over the years.
"And just look at you now, balls deep in each other's eyes, it's revolting!"
"You're one to talk, or have you forgotten you have your own seat at the table," Arthur shot back.
Morgana said nothing, but leaned back into Leon, stroking the side of his face and taking another sip of her wine.
It wasn't until the dessert course that Gwen and Lance showed up and practically sprinted through the restaurant.
"Guess what finally happened," Mithian called over to them.
"LANCE AND I GOT ENGAGED!" Gwen shouted overtop of her. There was a beat and then the table erupted once more, chairs being pushed back, everyone flocking around Gwen and Lance, admiring her ring and slapping Lance on the back. Only Arthur and Merlin stayed seated, Arthur hand holding Merlin's in a vice grip. They turned to look at each other.
"Well sh*t. Here we go again."
